8 days?! More like 3.

As of my Dr's appt. yesterday, he says he wants me in the hospital starting the "gels" on friday. These are the same gels that they started induction with Mason. For Mason's birth they did two sets of gels, on the 14th they administered the first set, then sent me home because I was not progressing, and said they were going to call me when they had more beds open. Then, on the 16th they called at 3am and said they had a bed open and were ready for me to come in. The rest is history and Mason was born at 12:07am on the 17th. Please note that I was not progressed at all with Mason until the 16th. Barely effaced and dilated a fingertip. Thats it. At this moment and time, I am 1.5 cm dilated and 75% effaced, and Benjamin is also "engaged" and ready to get the show on the road. So it seems as if its my body still holding onto this bun. haha. I have enjoyed both pregnancies, since they haven't been too terrible, but I know MENTALLY I have ready to be just me, instead of me and the baby in the belly. :) So I am pretty sure that with me being where I am in the labor process and Benji being engaged, I think that first set of gels just may kick my body into gear. If it doesn't give up before then. We'll let ya know!

single digit count down

I had a few lovely contractions last night and they went away. It was kinda cute last night when i was laying in bed and my husband would put his hand on my belly, and benjamin would automatically start dancing and it seemed like he was either putting his foot to my husbands hand or giving him a high five, because as soon as he would take his hand off, that would disappear and he would start tossing and turning trying to get comfortable. During this time I had 3 contractions that were about 10 seconds, 5-6 minutes apart and of corse daddy was freaking out.. "tell me if you have another one" "do you need me to rub your feet" I would switch sides " how are you feeling?" lol It was so cute. 9 days and counting, I have a doc appt. today and if I haven't progressed from my previous 1.5 cm dialted last week, it will be very interesting... All I know is mommy is physically ready for Mason's little brother to make his appearance. Hope everyones holidays were filled with joy and family. Now Im back to work................... sheesh.

Happy Holidays

From our family to yours.

Hope you days are filled with love and hope.

Love,
Ashley, Sterling, Mason and Benji.

Thanksgiving... Yes only one picture

Wooooooah Belly!

Halloween Pictures

47 days and counting

Its been quite a while since I updated last. It has been so busy, I am so surprised that Benjamin has stayed in the oven with all the commotion. He's probably thinking its better in there than in the real world. lol I just added up how many days are left until his due date and I can't even believe that its only 47 days... Gosh this flew by. 6 weeks and some days to get into our new home (we FINALLY got approved for a rental townhome that is just perfect for our little family.) THANK GOD! It was such a relief! 3 bed two bath with a little yard for Capone. I can't wait to get out of that stinking apartment. AND its on Linsday and Baseline, back on the RIGHT side of the 60 ;) With Thanksgiving next week and then moving the weekend of the 12th, Christmas following 13 days later, it will be a busy busy 47 days. I can't even imagine when it will slow down. I wanted to add some pictures from halloween, I totally see this not happenind until after the 7th of January along with Thanksgiving, Christmas, Newborn pictures... all meshed into one update. So if this is the case. To EVERYONE "Happy Thanksgiving" "Merry Christmas" "Happy New Year!" :D

Mason is just so stinking big. I can't get over how many words that he has learned and how well he interacts with us when we ask for his help or for him to do something. He is such a big boy, and has his pout face down pat. If he doesn't get what he wants or he is in trouble, he will just turn around and stick out his bottom lip and pout. Its the funniest thing. Although we never give in, he seems to think we might if he continues, its so stinkin cute, I don't mind him doing that. I would rather the pout then a fit.

Another news update: My mom and her hubby are moving to the valley! You have no idea how great this is! They will be staying with us for a couple months until they are able to find a home out here. What perfect timing, My mom will be out here just in time to be an extra hand when Mason becomes a big brother. What a relief to have her here not only here for him but for my sanity.

My biggest goal at this time is to keep Benji cooking until we at least move into the new place. I don't even want to think about going into labor while we are still in the apartment, and everything being half packed. Thats terrifying to me! So to you Benji.... stay put even though mommy may be pushing you around as you stick you knee in my ribs or put your noggin right there.......... stick it out with mommy, at least until the 15th of December....

Have a fantastic holiday season everyone, may yours be merry

belly pics

Present Past and Future

So the extent of the past week has kind of been a whirl wind and probably will continue for the days months and years to come.

About a week and a half ago I found out that my stepmom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Don't you find it amazing how your life can change in an instant?! And you have NO control of the outcome of the cituation presented? This will definitely be a trying time for Patti and everyone in her life. Especially my dad. After losing my grandma to cervical cancer in July of 01, you would hope that it was the last time a death to cancer would affect your life. Unfortunately cancer has entered our life once again... and now its a waiting game of hoping and praying for healing and calm. It really puts a lot of things into perspective when someone is told their life can be cut short before they are ready to say goodbye. Not only their life but their families as well. We will of corse be their for Patti in her rough journey ahead, but I couldn't imagine how it would be for her if she didn't have my dad by her side to help her through. This is a prime example of reason. Gods reason.

Love will make you do things out of character, but always for a reason. A meaning. My dad and patti got "matching" tattoos to symbolize the stuggles ahead, because God knows that she will go through more pain in treament than she did when she got this visual reminder of strength.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Along side of this news, We had two dogs go to doggie heaven as well... At least they are now no longer suffering but healed.

We now turn to a light note.

Mason has now upgraded to a big boy bed. 3 weeks ago he decided to act like superman and propel out of the shopping cart right on his noggin. He had a nice egg and bruise in the center of his forehead and it was the first (and Im sure not only) urgent care trip in his life for an injury. The big boy bed is doing fine, we are still in the stage of repetition. "Night night time" "get back in bed" Mommy and Daddy back and forth back and forth as he peaks his little grinning face through the crack in the door. So hard not to just giggle when you see that little "im not here" grin. He is such a big person. Very independent and so much like my family in the loving department. It has to be on his time and his agenda. If he isn't ready for hugs and kisses, don't even try, he won't have it. Reminds me so much of my sister. hehehe

Baby number 2 has an appointment on monday of next week. We are having another ultra sound because last time they didn't get a good view of one of his ventricals of his heart. So we get to see our little munchkin again! Then regular doctors appt after. Ill be 22 weeks tomorrow. Its gone by so fast, but I am already wayyy uncomfortable with my ever growing tummy. These sweets cravings are KILLING me! He is either punching or kicking me like crazy. Either/Or he makes his presence known. I also think he is letting my know during the day now, that my "non maternity" pants are cramping his space.

I truly do have the best husband around. We seem to always be on the same page, whether it comes to raising mason or future endeavours. He never fails to keep my spirits up when I am feeling low. He always knows what to say, even if I don't agree, he is normally right. I couldn't ask for a better father for my children. He loves to wrestle and play with Mason but doesn't ever seem to show that he is overwhelmed when he has to put his foot down when Mason is throwing a temper tantrum. I know when Mason's brother comes into our world, he will come into a loving and safe home, with only the greatest of intentions and the most love he could ever ask for (or want).

To close this out, I want to note that no matter how hard things get, always try to look at the bigger picture. Know that if there is someone not present, it does not mean that you are not present in their heart. I think about my grandma often and I know that while she sits in heaven, she is often looking down on my family and giggling at the things we are doing. Maybe even sometimes calling mason a "little sh*t" when he is picking on his mommy and daddy.

Half way to the finish line

We have hit the half way mark moving along steadily with this pregnancy. Starting to get more anxious about the delivery. Funny how that works, my first wasn't terrible, but as any delivery a challenge to deal with contractions. Ill add a picture of the 5 month belly later :)

So this past friday was Masons first (Im sure of many) trips to urgent care. The goob thought he could fly like superman out of the shopping cart and bruised his littlw noggin nice and good. Man was I terrified. I'm not one to rush and call the doctor, but he knocked it square and center and immediately had a nice big ol egg... oh the er trips to come. Ahhhh! :)

I love my sister :D

the verdict is

mason is going to have a little brother. :)

oh boy are we going to be in trouble in a few years... with broken bones and competition.

Make your guess!!

Since Monday could be the big day to find out the sex, take a moment and mark your guess :D



http://www.expectnet.com/games/Baby2inJan09



and GOOD LUCK

10:18

Im hungry........
Bring on the the YC's!!!!!!!!!

Starving over here!
Both of us ;)

again... names are up in the air for the new babe. 10 more days until the big ultra sound. So anxious!
ahhhhhhh.

Onto Mason, I can't believe how big this booger is! He is just so amazing and blows my mind with every little thing he does. I was looking at his pictures from his first day of life, just amazing. Then he was helpless and now he runs around and wrestles, gives big slobbery kisses. Couldn't ask for more!!

Pictures & Pregnancy brain

Here are some pics of our family. :) Doing well. Just now counting down the days to see what we are having on August 4th. So I am having second thoughts about abigail for a girl name. Naming is so hard, not only do you want a name fitting for your child. But you dont want to chose one for them that will either A. torture them their whole life. B. is not fitting to them. I like Skyler for a girl. But Britt's brothers name is Skylar, BUT... Skylar is naming his son Mason, so it will be even if I steal his name. right britt?!? :)

A new year with a new life.

We went to the doctors today to see our little bunny in the oven. The baby was too cute, literally jumping up and down for us, like READY OR NOT Im coming soon! :D Originally, according to my LMP my due date would be Dec. 22nd. The baby measures at 11 weeks 5 days which puts us at a due date of January 7th. Very exciting. So relieved to see the little punking just hanging on inside my belly then showing off for its mommy and daddy. TOOO adorable. Thats the update. Tomorrow I am going to scan my 3 little pictures of the babe, and put them up asap. Its settling in and I am getting more and more excited. Now only about 6 or 7 weeks til we know the gender of the little booger. Brother or Sister for Macer? I don't know but we will see!!!

Baby Names

Yes its way too early, but we have been thinking about names (more sterling than me, and he refuses to think of boy names) But we may have come to a decision with a girls name...
Abigail Shannon

Boys names, we are going to have a rough time with names. It took us forever to settle with Mason. But so far we like Carter and Connor (I think, like I said, Sterling isn't even contemplating Boys names.)
But there is a 50/50 chance here so I like to be prepared.

B.O.R.E.D

Out of my mind at work today, I wish I had my book with me. My computer at work blocks out so much stuff that I can't really surf the internet. Im going to pull out my hair along with wanting to go home to see my boys.

Overwhelmed with Love

Don't even know where to begin. Taryn is the only family member that knows about the page, and some of this will be new to her. (but shhhh tare its still a secret to the family) And then there's Britt, but she already knows. We actually have known for about 3 weeks that I am pregnant with our 2nd child and due around the end of december. I feel completely compelled to write right now. There are so many thoughts racing through my head.
Mason is our pride and joy, and everyday we say how beautiful he is and how cute, how much we love the little man. He is truly amazing and a real blessing from God. Ironically We let go and let God take care of us when we were off the bc before him. So really we weren't trying to have him, but we felt that if God thought we were ready for him, then he would put his trust in us to raise a child when he knew we were ready. Sure as heck, 4 months after discontinueing contraceptives, we got pregnant with Mason. The entire expierence was absolutely amazing. A shock to most, but a complete joy.
I really am so lucky to have such amazing men in my life. I often catch myself looking at Sterling and thinking "you are so handsome, smart funny and amazing" He has one of the biggest hearts. No matter the mood or time, he always makes me laugh. We don't know what we would do without our son either. Everything could go wrong and just the sight of him put pure joy in my heart.
To bring another baby in the mix is completely terrifying to me, and I am sure that I am not the only one to feel this way about baby #2. I want to make sure that Mason knows that we still love him with all our might, and give him the attention he deserves. And with the new baby, I want to make sure he/she gets the same love and attention we gave to Mason. They will be almost 2 years apart, and I dont want Mason to resent the new baby when the time comes.
The way the economy is its shattering everyones finances, including us. We are struggling to make ends meet, and now we are adding a baby in the mix? Holy Cow.
God really seems to be extending his faith on us when I couldn't even imagine to begin where has brought us. I have been browsing verses to find some strength from him, because he seems to think we have it. There is one in particular that seems to be sticking with me. "I can do all things through he who gives me strength"

Traffic was a disaster.

This morning has not started off well. I decided to take a different route to work this morning and it took me an hour longer than it normally does, because the 60 was closed at priest and the back up went all the way back to mcclintock LITERALLY took me 35 minutes just to go from mcclintock to rural. RIDICULOUS. As mason has had enough of the traffic, and all the stresses of money and Sterling's job search, I was thinking to myself... what are some motivational quotes that can get me through this day...

This is what I came up with.
"It could be worse"

"To realize your true potential of success, you must move away from your comfort zone and work in unchartered land"

"Life is a marathon. The terrain is full of ups and downs and with the right attitude and preparation you can face the toughest terrain"

"Success is falling nine times and getting up ten."

"Failures don't deserve your attention, only Success does."

"Our greatest battles are that with our own minds."

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."

When is enough , enough?

Seriously,
what does a person have to do to get their point across without looking like an idiot.
How bad does it have to get before its realized that ITS NOT WORKING!!!!

Our son is 1!!

Amazingly, Mason made it through his first year virtually in tact! :D His birthday party (in my mind was a disaster) was on sunday, the big kids seemed to have fun by playing baseball in the grass spot by the tables. The wind would not let up, and the sun would not stay out. Mason was pretty much not there, he was so cranky and irritated. I hate when he is like that around others, because I want them to see the joy and energetic little man that we all know and love. He slept about the 1st 2 hours of the party as his daddy fired up the burgers and feverously got them out to our family and friends. It started to drizzle so we decided to get Mason to chow down on his cupcake :D (which made my day) and got tons of pictures of the icing covering his face, up his nose. He loved it! Thats what sweets are for, special occasions :D We brought all the gifts home, and opened them there. He got tons of great stuff, lots of funs toys that are all over our living still because he loves playing with them! I took Monday off so I could spend the day with him and it was a great day, he was in a great mood, almost like he knew it was his birthday. We went to breakfast with Sara, Gavin, and Natalie. He had a good ol Pancake breakfast! Through the mid day we napped and just had a great relaxing day. For dinner we met most of Sterlings side of the family at CiCi's Pizza, and he had a few ripped pieces of pizza and breadstick pieces. Cinnamon yumminess too!
Tuesday was his 12 month appointment, and the dreaded MMR shot fight. LUCKILY, sadly but luckily, he has a ear infection in both ears, so I had a loop hole to get out of any vaccinations at all without arguing with the pedi about postponing this shot. (and the other 2 he was supposed to get) Also... pediatricians charge 25 dollars per vaccine. Which would put us out 75 dollars (not including the 75 dollar charge for the appt. itself) Did you know you could get vaccines for free from the county?? I wish I would have known that a year ago! we would have saved whatever we have spent already on vaccines.

Some more information on Autism and Vaccines I foudn extrememly interesting and feel obligated to share these websites.
http://www.pr.com/article/1076
http://www.generationrescue.com/olmstead.html

it is amazing the statistics that are being ignored and thrown out the window. Why?



I was also listening to Glenn Beck today and he was talking about how the Black Panthers (which in my mind is pretty much like the muslim jihadist) how they have said that the GOVERNMENT created the aids virus. CREATED it to take out the black community. REALLY? really? You really think the government did this? Just like they planned the attacks on the WTC. Just like they knew about the bombing of pearl harbor? Wow. really? Another things they said, was if God is not against the white man then we shall kill him. WHAT. take that for what it is and all I can say is WHAT?! and leave it as it is.

Mason's going to be 1

Wow, It seems just like yesterday.
He is learning so much and doing so much I cant believe he went from eating, sleeping, sleeping than eating to taking 4 or 5 steps, playing peekaboo, giving me open mouthed kisses. Life is truly amazing and a pure joy.

Hubby tag.

What is his name? Lee Sterling Lloyd
How long have you been together? almost 5 years, married 3 months
How long did you date? almost 5 years
How old is he? 21 will be 22 in march
Who eats more? He does, although he is watching what he eats at the moment.
Who said I love you first? He did. We had talked about the word "love" and he said that it means a lot and he wants to make sure he doesn't just say it to say it. :D
Who is taller? He is by almost a foot!
Who can sing better? He does to me.
Who is smarter? We are both smart in different aspects
Who does the laundry? I have been more recently. But he used to for sure!
Who pays the bills? he does. Hands down
Who sleeps on the right side? He does
Who mows the lawn? When we had a lawn to mow, he did.
Who cooks dinner? I have been lately trying to find new dishes for us! We like variety.
Who drives? Sterling, Its less stressful when he isn't telling me how to drive! :D
Who is more stubborn? we both are stubborn, so our kids... all I have to say is its going to be rough during their teenage years.
Who kissed who first? We both kissed eachother
Who asked who out first? We hung out together, so there was really no "first date". But I remember our first movie together. It was undercover brother. hahahahaha
Who proposed? He did. Twice :D
.Who has more friends? Um we have similar friends so it pretty equal
Who is more sensitive? Depends on the time of the month ;)
Who has more siblings? He does. technically
Who wears the pants?On different issues we both do.
Who Next? No one Brittnie already did it!
:D

Gift from God to the world

Brittnie would be have her make up and hair all pretty. teehee
but her husband even insisted that she hasn't retouched sincethey were admitted.
silly girl.
Look at her beautiful daughter.
Just a few hours old.
Look at that face! So precious!

Bella Gillespie

My friend from highschool is about to deliver her first born in february, Miss Isabella Gillespie. I am so exctied, I don't think she understands how excited I really am. Brittnie has the purest of hearts and I know that she will pass this quality to her daughter who will in turn share it with the world. I am so excited for her shower tomorrow and can't wait to see all the people who are just as excited as I am for this new life to add to our lives. Brittnie I love you honey, and Ill love your daughter as a part of my family. :)

Things are not always as they seem

The past few nights I have been having really strange dreams. Here is the breakdown, and maybe you can relate.
2 nights ago, the premise of this dream was around halloween time. Everyone was dressed up in costumes, along with some good old friends of mine from highschool. We were acting as if we still spoke on a daily basis, and never lost touch. It was like a music store that we were in, but their was a bar of some sort in the back room of this store. As I walked back, into the room, I had forgotten my ID, walked out of this room alone, the store will still filled with people, and some were arguing about whatever it was, right before I walked back into the room this odd looking guy stopped and stared at me. With his monotone voice said, "things are not always as they seem" I thought... "okay psycho". Just as I open the door to the room, its completely empty with rows of wooden seats lined as if they were in an old movie theatre. The walls and floor was the same color as these wooden seats. I turn around to leave and the door has disappeared and there is now a wall there. Across the way from me is a door, but it will not open. That is what I remember.
Last night, was a different concept, but still bizzare. I was in an office like you would seen in a tall building with many cubicles and lots of people. There is a meeting going on that I am attending, and then I hear that the building is on fire. In my head, I associate this with 9/11. I start to tell everyone that this is not good and we need to get out as fast as we can. My boss yells at me as I am walking torwards the door "you better not take another step, or else you will no longer be welcome back" but I knew I had to ignore him and go down the stairwell. My trip down the stairs was easy, and I was the only one. As I was going to exit the stairwell, there was a bum sitting behind a pillar. I told him that he needed to leave an find shelter because there was something big that was going to happen. He said "you must have been a user because you wouldnt have cared to tell me this". I just shook that comment off and continued on my way, I met up with a few other people [who I have never seen before in my life] and one of the guys knew about the twin towers collapsing. We all headed to a set of doors and It was terribly loud all around us. I yelled "where is the world trade?" and the security guard had pointed in the direction we were headed. "Shit! we have to go this way!" The guy who had also known about the events that were about to take place, pulled me back and told me no, that we were supposed to tell them what was about to happen. A lady started panicking demanded to know why I didnt think this was the best way. As it started to get darker outside and dusty. I broke away from this group and started running, water started filling up the floor I was on, and all I remember is that I got out and kept running. I met up with Sterling, who had a car for us. Gavin (my nephew) and our family dog Capone was with him. I started telling him what been happening as we just sat in our car. They had already a memorial made of all those that were lost on that day. I started crying and saying that we needed to save these people, we needed to go back in and save at least one person. We headed back into the city and everything was a lot calmer then I had left. We wandered what looked like a strip of retail stores and everybody seemed to be get a handle on things. This is where my memory of the dreams fades.
so wierd.

Making a difference

Just a warning, this is long... but I hope you take the time to read it, because for each and everyone who does, I took the time to write it for you.
For the past two weeks, I have been thinking a lot about life in general. I kept getting this feeling that there is more to it then the day in and day out grind. I just recently finished Jenny McCarthy's book More than words. If you don't know what it is about, Ill give you the jist of it. Her son, Evan, was diagnosed with Autism. More than words goes through the previous dilemma's that she went through before she was lead to the right doctor who watched her son, for no more than 5 minutes and immediatly knew that it was autism. She went through grueling days of seizures, aggressiveness, and deminishing speach, and was dying inside without knowing what or why her son was acting this way. She realized that there was a reason why she had written those previous books, which in turn, lead her to this one. That it was fate that it happened to her, because people were already listening to what she had to say through her books and comic relief. She knew that awareness of autsim and its triggers were now her new full time job.
Now, with Mason coming up on his 1st birthday, [which is completely unbelievable!] he will now becoming exposed to the vaccines that could possibly trigger Autism. There are so many people who do not believe that these vaccines are the triggers, including most pediatricians. With all that I have read and researched, It couldn't hurt to skip the vaccines we should be able to skip. These vaccines have multiplied tremendously within the past 15 years or so. How do we not see that this could be harmful to our children when in the late 80's Autism was a "rare" disease that some doctors would be lucky to see a case to learn from. In 2002, the U.S. Department of Education reported that nationwide autism rates had jumped 556 percent in a decade. (http://whyfiles.org/209autism/) 556%! Now 1 in 150! Is this not astounding? Boys are mostly affected by whatever this trigger is. Now with Jenny, she has her son now on a strict diet [gluten and cassien free], Autism somehow also correlates with stomach sensativity. Could that also be an indication that these vaccines may be too harsh for these young children and their fairly new immune systems? At least these are my conclusions.
This has really sparked my thinking on the "bigger" picture. Since I have become a mom, I have seen many things differently, I already had my thoughts about treatments on ADD and ADHD, and medicine in general. Now with one of my own, those and more only multiply my passion for answers.
What has been keeping me up at night has been mainly where my next few steps should lead. I needed some guidence. Something was urging me to go to the church that was such a big part of my life in highschool, Central Christian in Mesa. The senior pastor there has always been able to get a point accross with simple stories and refrences from his own life and experiences. Nothing deters people more than someone who believes they are perfect, especially those of religion. This is why I felt so compelled to go back here for answers. They do not claim to be perfect at all. I cannot speak for all who attend here, but for the most of them that I know are very humble. Last saturday, I could not shake this feeling, I knew I had to go. When I got there and was handed a bulletin I sat and read the preview while they sang (not one to sing in public :) ) guess what the premise was? Here is what it said, "Imagine this. You've orded something online have been eagerly awaiting its arrival to your home. You've been to the Web site to track your package with UPS multiple times a day. But you still don't have it yet, and you're beginning to suspect a problem... you lean that the driver who had your package decided to keep it... He thought it was for him." The more we got into it I jotted down somethings that he said. "What are you here for?" "Everything you now have you are required to take care of. Those are your tools." "The way you manage your stuff is the way you manage your life". Are not all of these quotes pertaining to what I was looking for? I had all of the tools in my possesion. I can start a spark in others to get things done. But what is it? My passion is children and helping them succeed. Where to start I am not sure.
I look ahead in the pamphlet, next weeks topic was debt. Do you know anyone who doesn't need advice on this subject? If you do, can I have their number? I have a few questions for them.

Tonight was the night to talk about this debt thing, these were the thoughts:
-Don't Even Buy That [does that now make sense or what?!]
-you have no idea what you can live without until you try.
-we love things more than we hate debt
-Debt is like fat around you belly, past pleasures
-Debt robs your future before it pays for your past. [do you want to have a healthy retirement plan or none at all, and leave debt for your loved ones to pay?]

aren't those big or what?
It really makes me want to get all my ducks in a row, so when my time is up, Mason does not have the resposibility of paying off my debt when I can handle it on my own, and still give him a fruitful childhood. Like I said before, I have all the tools now to do what I was put here to do. Be a good mother is one of those things.
With all of this said, I hope that I make a difference in your life, and with future blogs, with my thoughts, I hope to spark your fire to make a difference as well. "A positive and beautiful person inside never goes unnoticed by those who see the positivity exhuming from them"