At work I have comprised several short posts that I have wanted to continue at home and share. After going to the gym and spending the little time I have with my boys, you can imagine the dishaste I feel for the computer, after bring on it literally 8 hours, 5 days a week.
At some point I will use those "beginnings" and elaborate, but at this very second I cannot hold this particular subject in. To warn you, it may get you thinking.
I consider myself a believer. I believe in God and the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit as one). I often find times where when I feel like there is nothing left to do but wait, I remind myself that in due time, the reason for certain happenings come to the surface.
I am currently reading "The Shack" and if any of you have read it, you will probably understand most of my banterings in this particular post. If you have not, you should find a copy and thumb through it. I can honestly admit that there have been several instances where I want to stop what I am doing and share what this book brings to the table. I often find myself thinking "I completely agree... I knew that my relationship is the most important"
From what I have read in this book so far, it has been totally relevent to a current issue that is plagueing my sleep and free time. The question is... Who are you to decide what is right and wrong? If a path for you served to be the right one, but another is heading down your road, yet you feel it to be wrong for them? Deep inside you see this person's cituation is not like yours, although they may wish it to be as fulfilling as yours has proven to be. You see faulty in their thinking. Who am I to tell them they are making a mistake? As a parent, is there where we go wrong? Telling our children "you are making the biggest mistake of your life" or do we allow them to go down this road of hardship because this is what they chose?
Is this not what God gave us, when he granted us free will? When we are about to do something that is not in favor of us, yet we still feel we need to see the outcome? With all the pain and suffering in the world, does this give you humility or greed? You feel sorry for those who don't have all the physical things? Do you latch onto all the things you have "worked" for? Because in the end, nothing is truly and rightfully yours. Thats if you believe this. When life is made easier for you than most, why do some so easily let go of the important things in life. But then again, who am I to judge whats important and whats not? I am not the judge.
Often, I find myself, thinking about my decisions, and how I come across the right one. I find comfort in knowing that I do not compromise what I feel is right for me, and now my family. This is only because its for the greater good. Most risks that are taken, are truly careless, because if its not for the better of YOUR life and YOUR future, who is truly happy then?
I feel like there is one particular quality that I posessed in my teenage years, that most girls don't reach until later, and some others much later, in life. Its the confidence in myself. I dont NEED anyone to be happy. Thats not to say that I don't want my husband or my boys around. If they were gone, I'd be devistated. But it took me not NEEDING someone to love me to be truly and whole-y loved. If your not whole as a person, how can someone love you. You shouldn't feel the need to be loved by someone else to be complete.
When it all comes down to it. He loves you. Yes, God. Allah, Yesuah, etc... He has several names, but that higher power is bigger than you. Once you find that you are truly loved, and you should love yourself. You can truly be at peace.
::disclaimer:: what I have just said, does not mean there wont be hard times, because there will be many and plenty. But the love will get you through. 100% of the time.
