"IF HE BRINGS YOU TO IT, HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH IT"

Friday, January 25, 2008

Bella Gillespie


My friend from highschool is about to deliver her first born in february, Miss Isabella Gillespie. I am so exctied, I don't think she understands how excited I really am. Brittnie has the purest of hearts and I know that she will pass this quality to her daughter who will in turn share it with the world. I am so excited for her shower tomorrow and can't wait to see all the people who are just as excited as I am for this new life to add to our lives. Brittnie I love you honey, and Ill love your daughter as a part of my family. :)

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Things are not always as they seem

The past few nights I have been having really strange dreams. Here is the breakdown, and maybe you can relate.
2 nights ago, the premise of this dream was around halloween time. Everyone was dressed up in costumes, along with some good old friends of mine from highschool. We were acting as if we still spoke on a daily basis, and never lost touch. It was like a music store that we were in, but their was a bar of some sort in the back room of this store. As I walked back, into the room, I had forgotten my ID, walked out of this room alone, the store will still filled with people, and some were arguing about whatever it was, right before I walked back into the room this odd looking guy stopped and stared at me. With his monotone voice said, "things are not always as they seem" I thought... "okay psycho". Just as I open the door to the room, its completely empty with rows of wooden seats lined as if they were in an old movie theatre. The walls and floor was the same color as these wooden seats. I turn around to leave and the door has disappeared and there is now a wall there. Across the way from me is a door, but it will not open. That is what I remember.
Last night, was a different concept, but still bizzare. I was in an office like you would seen in a tall building with many cubicles and lots of people. There is a meeting going on that I am attending, and then I hear that the building is on fire. In my head, I associate this with 9/11. I start to tell everyone that this is not good and we need to get out as fast as we can. My boss yells at me as I am walking torwards the door "you better not take another step, or else you will no longer be welcome back" but I knew I had to ignore him and go down the stairwell. My trip down the stairs was easy, and I was the only one. As I was going to exit the stairwell, there was a bum sitting behind a pillar. I told him that he needed to leave an find shelter because there was something big that was going to happen. He said "you must have been a user because you wouldnt have cared to tell me this". I just shook that comment off and continued on my way, I met up with a few other people [who I have never seen before in my life] and one of the guys knew about the twin towers collapsing. We all headed to a set of doors and It was terribly loud all around us. I yelled "where is the world trade?" and the security guard had pointed in the direction we were headed. "Shit! we have to go this way!" The guy who had also known about the events that were about to take place, pulled me back and told me no, that we were supposed to tell them what was about to happen. A lady started panicking demanded to know why I didnt think this was the best way. As it started to get darker outside and dusty. I broke away from this group and started running, water started filling up the floor I was on, and all I remember is that I got out and kept running. I met up with Sterling, who had a car for us. Gavin (my nephew) and our family dog Capone was with him. I started telling him what been happening as we just sat in our car. They had already a memorial made of all those that were lost on that day. I started crying and saying that we needed to save these people, we needed to go back in and save at least one person. We headed back into the city and everything was a lot calmer then I had left. We wandered what looked like a strip of retail stores and everybody seemed to be get a handle on things. This is where my memory of the dreams fades.
so wierd.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Making a difference

Just a warning, this is long... but I hope you take the time to read it, because for each and everyone who does, I took the time to write it for you.
For the past two weeks, I have been thinking a lot about life in general. I kept getting this feeling that there is more to it then the day in and day out grind. I just recently finished Jenny McCarthy's book More than words. If you don't know what it is about, Ill give you the jist of it. Her son, Evan, was diagnosed with Autism. More than words goes through the previous dilemma's that she went through before she was lead to the right doctor who watched her son, for no more than 5 minutes and immediatly knew that it was autism. She went through grueling days of seizures, aggressiveness, and deminishing speach, and was dying inside without knowing what or why her son was acting this way. She realized that there was a reason why she had written those previous books, which in turn, lead her to this one. That it was fate that it happened to her, because people were already listening to what she had to say through her books and comic relief. She knew that awareness of autsim and its triggers were now her new full time job.
Now, with Mason coming up on his 1st birthday, [which is completely unbelievable!] he will now becoming exposed to the vaccines that could possibly trigger Autism. There are so many people who do not believe that these vaccines are the triggers, including most pediatricians. With all that I have read and researched, It couldn't hurt to skip the vaccines we should be able to skip. These vaccines have multiplied tremendously within the past 15 years or so. How do we not see that this could be harmful to our children when in the late 80's Autism was a "rare" disease that some doctors would be lucky to see a case to learn from. In 2002, the U.S. Department of Education reported that nationwide autism rates had jumped 556 percent in a decade. (http://whyfiles.org/209autism/) 556%! Now 1 in 150! Is this not astounding? Boys are mostly affected by whatever this trigger is. Now with Jenny, she has her son now on a strict diet [gluten and cassien free], Autism somehow also correlates with stomach sensativity. Could that also be an indication that these vaccines may be too harsh for these young children and their fairly new immune systems? At least these are my conclusions.
This has really sparked my thinking on the "bigger" picture. Since I have become a mom, I have seen many things differently, I already had my thoughts about treatments on ADD and ADHD, and medicine in general. Now with one of my own, those and more only multiply my passion for answers.
What has been keeping me up at night has been mainly where my next few steps should lead. I needed some guidence. Something was urging me to go to the church that was such a big part of my life in highschool, Central Christian in Mesa. The senior pastor there has always been able to get a point accross with simple stories and refrences from his own life and experiences. Nothing deters people more than someone who believes they are perfect, especially those of religion. This is why I felt so compelled to go back here for answers. They do not claim to be perfect at all. I cannot speak for all who attend here, but for the most of them that I know are very humble. Last saturday, I could not shake this feeling, I knew I had to go. When I got there and was handed a bulletin I sat and read the preview while they sang (not one to sing in public :) ) guess what the premise was? Here is what it said, "Imagine this. You've orded something online have been eagerly awaiting its arrival to your home. You've been to the Web site to track your package with UPS multiple times a day. But you still don't have it yet, and you're beginning to suspect a problem... you lean that the driver who had your package decided to keep it... He thought it was for him." The more we got into it I jotted down somethings that he said. "What are you here for?" "Everything you now have you are required to take care of. Those are your tools." "The way you manage your stuff is the way you manage your life". Are not all of these quotes pertaining to what I was looking for? I had all of the tools in my possesion. I can start a spark in others to get things done. But what is it? My passion is children and helping them succeed. Where to start I am not sure.
I look ahead in the pamphlet, next weeks topic was debt. Do you know anyone who doesn't need advice on this subject? If you do, can I have their number? I have a few questions for them.

Tonight was the night to talk about this debt thing, these were the thoughts:
-Don't Even Buy That [does that now make sense or what?!]
-you have no idea what you can live without until you try.
-we love things more than we hate debt
-Debt is like fat around you belly, past pleasures
-Debt robs your future before it pays for your past. [do you want to have a healthy retirement plan or none at all, and leave debt for your loved ones to pay?]

aren't those big or what?
It really makes me want to get all my ducks in a row, so when my time is up, Mason does not have the resposibility of paying off my debt when I can handle it on my own, and still give him a fruitful childhood. Like I said before, I have all the tools now to do what I was put here to do. Be a good mother is one of those things.
With all of this said, I hope that I make a difference in your life, and with future blogs, with my thoughts, I hope to spark your fire to make a difference as well. "A positive and beautiful person inside never goes unnoticed by those who see the positivity exhuming from them"