2009 love letter

this is my love letter to the year 2009
First and foremost...Thank you for being apart of my Benjamin's life. We will always look back to you, and remember his birth in the beginning of our journey.
You have brought me closer to some, and some I couldn't have imagined our friendship to grow as much as it has, with this said, I have also let go of some that I had trouble doing before. You gave me time to do this, and it was a healing process. This is in no way negative, only a way to move on.
You gave our family so tough times, but in these tough times, we have only grown closer and wiser. The things we have learned will be forever with us. 2009 has shaped us even more than we may realize, through trials and tribulations, we may have fallen physically, but have only risen mentally.

To be continued....

poop picasso

I WALK  INTO THE KIDS CLUB
ME "I'M LOOKING FOR MASON LLOYD"
LADY - LOOKING AROUND.... THEN TURNS TO ME "OH HE'S IN THE
BATHROOM... I JUST CHECKED ON HIM A SECOND AGO... I THINK HE IS GOING POOP"....
ME - WALK INTO THE BATHROOM, SEE MASON, PANTS DOWN POOP ON BUTT, THROWING AWAY TOILET TISSUE "OH MY GOSH, WHAT HAPPENED?"
MASON "I DON'T KNOW, I WENT POOP MOMMY"
ME "WHY IS THERE POOP SMEARED ALL OVER THE TOILET BOWL?"I LEAD HIM TO THE SINK TO WASH HIS HANDS...
MASON "MOMMY THE KIDS DID IT."
ME - WHILE ATTEMPTING TO CLEAR UP THE, MIND YOU, DRY POOP ON THE TOILET "WHAT KIDS DID IT?"
MASON - "THE GIRL DID IT"
ME - "WHAT GIRL, DO YOU MEAN THE LADY?"
MASON- "NO MOMMY, THE LITTLE GIRL"
ME - "WHAT LITTLE GIRL?"
MASON - "THE LITTLE GIRL."
HMMMMM... KIND OF CONFUSED BECAUSE THE POOP ON HIS BUTT WAS PRETTY DRY. HE HAD TO OF BEEN IN THERE FOR SOME TIME... AND WHY DIDNT HE HAVE POOP ALL OVER HIS HANDS WITH THE PAINTED ON POOP?
P.S. MASON IS NOT A FAN OF GETTING HIS HANDS DIRTY.
SOMETHINGS FISHY, ESPECIALLY SINCE THE LADY SAID SHE JUST CHECKED ON HIM. NO WAY DID SHE OVER LOOK THIS PICASSO OF POOP.

Wednesday the 9th

Family first - ALWAYS
I cannot stress this enough.

Pride sometimes needs to take a backseat - actually most of the time.

judge - This is am not.

sheltered and defended - how much is too much to not allow you to grow?

Some people think that the unknown is scary, but the unknown has 9 times out of ten, already played out in someone else's life. But that mentality of "I'm different" sometimes causes pain.

Responsibility is sometimes overlooked

Kids being kids, shouldn't have to be aware of worldly and adult issues. Puts too much stress on them, more than some may realize.

The Lovely Bones
- leaving your children
- never know how I would react, pray that I never ever have to.
- I could say how I would want to react
- very graphic literature, stomach turning to me.
- wanted worse for Mr. Harvey, But very symbolic.

Tiger Woods story reiterates the "don't judge a book by its cover" saying. Double lives from the public eye.
- We only know what is being to in the public.
- Don't get married if you know your going to purposefully put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted.

Book Club - who would join? and actually participate??
- quite a few friends who seem to have similar taste in reads.

Diary and Journal keepers
- everything jumbled and a mess in thoughts
- very visual and verbal person - not textual
- envy those who can translate thoughts into words

5 people fired at work in the last week.

Cherish those who are there instead of dwelling on those who are absent.

We are the way we are for a reason- most likely for an abundant of reasons

Would love you bump into those who have disappeared from my life, most of then seemingly intentional and ask why? Do I smother and overwhelm to make it unbearable to be around?

***Buble in concert April 8th!! Tickets on sale Friday!!! ooooooweee...

Ashes New Moon Review

Let me start off by saying this- New Moon was my least favorite book. With this said, I have to state why I was excited for the movie. The new directors background seemed to fit PERFECT for what this series needed. Chris Weitz lived up to my expectation (could have done with out the swirly twirly shots, makes me feel car sick). But He was a amazing addition to the franchise.

and don't worry- No spoilers here

First off- The movie was 10 trillion times better than twilight. I'm glad the actors are starting to age with the movie, and growing into the characters. Sorry friends, I have to state that I still, sadly enough, think they could have casted Bella better. Kristen Stewart just doesn't do it for me. I have to admit that he awkwardness is perfect for Bells, but the hair swiping and lip licking just is... is. Taylor did great, and is probably one of the best actors in the movie so far. You just feel his emotion and need to have Bella want him. ***note*** I feel all heeby geeby inside with I see his hard body... 17... I think I need to shower.... maybe if he was a few years older, I would feel so dirty. Rob, the way his voice is so lyrical, as the book describes, just makes you want to swoon.... and so will the last uttered words of the movie.

Second- This was my least favorite because of Bella's heartbreak and how long Stephanie took to portray it. I have been through devastation like this when I was all of 15. But when your young and you are infatuated with one person, its heartbreaking. That following summer, I tried to engulf myself in this one particular person, and ending up finding peace in talk shows and sugar free popsicles. For me life is too short to waste your time. You have to find peace in yourself before you can move forward with someone else. They DON'T complete you. You need to be complete all on your own. With my counseling session out of the way, and Eclipse on the brink, I will continue my struggle with Bella's wallowing, especially when it takes a whole book for her to get over the age issue. Edward is the real reason the keeps my passion for this series. Unconditional, non-sexual (strength for waiting), adoration he has for her.

Third- It was by the book, and to the T. This is how all movie based on books should be. They take the story and bring it to the screen. It was done beautifully. You will hear critics say things like: "the wolf packs shirts are ALWAYS missing" "Edward is awkward and those abs aren't real" "the movie was slow" "The movie desperately misses Catherine Hardwick" {impossible to me} "they attacked her over a paper cut and not from the gush of blood in twilight" etc... all of these are most likely from non readers... if not I apologize for categorizing you. And If you didn't read the book and liked it, I'd like to hear your thoughts, because once you have their future in their mind, there is no non bias. Melissa Rosenburg did a very good job making Jacob likable {and the no shirt did hurt either} because I loathed his teenage boy antics in the book.

If you have anything to add, I would LOVE to hear it! We can discuss!

This so called life...

Is it a sign?? When you type out your thoughts and then its erased at the drop of a hat? It seems all too often that this happens. Does it mean that those thoughts are not meant for others or is does it mean that I need to show perseverance. Instead of the paragraphs that I HAD. I will now use bullets...

• moving in with mom. A blessing in disguise.
• Starting over. Together.
• Mason - growing imagination
• Benjamin - a mobile light of sunshine.
• possible monetary and friendly job changes.
• Sterling and I = Edward and Bella in my eyes.
• ^He makes me feel like Bella feels when Edward gives into Bella
• Family = undying love that never falters (some need to learn this)
• New Moon (see previous bullet) If Sterling understood, he'd stop poking fun.
• craftiness: bracelets to cyber scrapbooking = therapy for soul
• Small doses of larger issues.
• Musical - Adele, Muse, Michael Buble, and soon to be Christmas music.
• Halloween: Mason = Buzz Lightyear and Benjamin = Woody. Mommy = ?
• My boys, all three. True blessings.

I would elaborate, but maybe it will just get deleted again. So I can expand the thought, if questioned. If not, it is what it is. These smiles, make a minimal defeat, meaningless.

Prescott 9/7/09

woweewowow.
All I have time for is pictures!
Enjoy!

1000 red loft balloons

At work I have comprised several short posts that I have wanted to continue at home and share. After going to the gym and spending the little time I have with my boys, you can imagine the dishaste I feel for the computer, after bring on it literally 8 hours, 5 days a week.

At some point I will use those "beginnings" and elaborate, but at this very second I cannot hold this particular subject in. To warn you, it may get you thinking.
I consider myself a believer. I believe in God and the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit as one). I often find times where when I feel like there is nothing left to do but wait, I remind myself that in due time, the reason for certain happenings come to the surface.

I am currently reading "The Shack" and if any of you have read it, you will probably understand most of my banterings in this particular post. If you have not, you should find a copy and thumb through it. I can honestly admit that there have been several instances where I want to stop what I am doing and share what this book brings to the table. I often find myself thinking "I completely agree... I knew that my relationship is the most important"

From what I have read in this book so far, it has been totally relevent to a current issue that is plagueing my sleep and free time. The question is... Who are you to decide what is right and wrong? If a path for you served to be the right one, but another is heading down your road, yet you feel it to be wrong for them? Deep inside you see this person's cituation is not like yours, although they may wish it to be as fulfilling as yours has proven to be. You see faulty in their thinking. Who am I to tell them they are making a mistake? As a parent, is there where we go wrong? Telling our children "you are making the biggest mistake of your life" or do we allow them to go down this road of hardship because this is what they chose?

Is this not what God gave us, when he granted us free will? When we are about to do something that is not in favor of us, yet we still feel we need to see the outcome? With all the pain and suffering in the world, does this give you humility or greed? You feel sorry for those who don't have all the physical things? Do you latch onto all the things you have "worked" for? Because in the end, nothing is truly and rightfully yours. Thats if you believe this. When life is made easier for you than most, why do some so easily let go of the important things in life. But then again, who am I to judge whats important and whats not? I am not the judge.

Often, I find myself, thinking about my decisions, and how I come across the right one. I find comfort in knowing that I do not compromise what I feel is right for me, and now my family. This is only because its for the greater good. Most risks that are taken, are truly careless, because if its not for the better of YOUR life and YOUR future, who is truly happy then?

I feel like there is one particular quality that I posessed in my teenage years, that most girls don't reach until later, and some others much later, in life. Its the confidence in myself. I dont NEED anyone to be happy. Thats not to say that I don't want my husband or my boys around. If they were gone, I'd be devistated. But it took me not NEEDING someone to love me to be truly and whole-y loved. If your not whole as a person, how can someone love you. You shouldn't feel the need to be loved by someone else to be complete.

When it all comes down to it. He loves you. Yes, God. Allah, Yesuah, etc... He has several names, but that higher power is bigger than you. Once you find that you are truly loved, and you should love yourself. You can truly be at peace.


::disclaimer:: what I have just said, does not mean there wont be hard times, because there will be many and plenty. But the love will get you through. 100% of the time.

f-friday

Its been awhile, again, since I have posted and I am not really sure where I want to start. I'm sitting outside of my cafeteria at work and the wind is blowing like its trying to get away from something, and the air smells of moisture and dirt, aka arizona rain.
First thing I can really think of to update is that Mason is fully potty trained now! It took about two weeks in undies and a couple accidents. He also is known as the streaker at the gym day care. In the middle of the "trial" period, he requested to go to the bathroom... Went potty.... Then ran out of the bathroom.. Completely bottomless yelling "candy candy candy" (at the time we would give him a fruit snack as a treat for going potty)
Secondly- my moms house is complete and she has moved in. Its bitter sweet to have her not part of our everyday. We certainly do miss her extra hand, and car ;) oh and mostly her company.
Everyday I tell myself to go home to read a chapter of new moon again but I'm pretty involved with this book called "my sisters keeper". If it sounds familiar, it has been made into a movie, and comes out in a couple weeks.
I'm typing on my phone now since I took the job doing data entry. Leaving a computer is truly leaving work. If I touch the computer at home, its most likely to put or remove songs on my mp3 player, for work, so I don't lose my mind doing the mundane. I have had a breakdown about the current situation, but am starting to grasp my bearings. I really do feel like I am missing out on benji's baby time. He is already 5 months old! I can't even fathom where the time went. It is the middle of june people!
I have started really contecting with aquiantence, and really enjoy he thoughts and outlook. I have never really had a friend (other than family) that has been really true. Maybe once, but I feel like this friendship has a more fulfilling quality to it.I was an air force brat and so I don't really know what its like to have that friend you have known all your life. But I definitely like my new and current ones!
I am also really starting to discover my deep true feelings about trust and love and friendship. Long story short, I am not fond of my sisters choice of boy. She says she is in love and he is the one and yada yada. My marriage started from highschool. We started dating junior year. Difference between my sister and myself is that I have had my heart shattered before. During the healing process from that break up, I really found out what kind of person I wanted to be. I dibble and dabbled in other "lifestyles" and found where I was most comfortable and adequit for my goals. Before I started dating sterling, I was newly confident in myself and my life. I new where I wanted to be and what I was looking for. I let love find me. And boy am I lucky! My sister needs that she needs to love herself before she can truly love and be loved by someone else.
On another note, my stepmom has completed all of her treatments and does not have to see her oncologists for another 3 months. We hope this devil will stay clear of her body. With the drama unfolding with my sister, I feel like her and I have bonded on some levels. I never really understood some of the things that she would say or do. but now I feel like I have opened a new chapter and friendship with her that I may have otherwise dismissed because of misuderstandings. I truly thank God for that.
I have been working really hard to take my baby weight off and am finally starting to see and feel results! Hallelujah! I have also been taking a yoga class thursday nights for the past 3 weeks and I feel like it helping me stay on the right track, its amazing how can work up a sweat without cardio.
My friday today, started off with a bang... I forgot my lunch and my mp3 player (yes, still plugged into the computer from the night before) and when I get to work I realize that I have the jeep keys, which go to our only vehicle, and sterling couldn't get to work. I also have this ritual called coffee friday, and mcds was only accepting cash (how lame) - I then go to the "starbucks" at my work cafeteria and order a coffee there (4 dollars please) and it was the most vial thing ever consumed. So its 0 for 2 at the "starbucks" and I have now come to conclusion that its just the name on the menu and not the actual product. Out 4 dollars.
Tonight the hubster and I are going on a date for fathers day, and I know that special time spent with him will make any poop filled day-not as poopy :)

Have a good one and remember to tell you fathesr thank you for killing you when you were teenage girls with hormones raging and making stupid decisions.
K.thx.bye

no fear

As I sit hear at lunch, I am reflecting on our weekend and future. As chelsey and jd are about to graduate, they have so much ahead of them, they may not quite realize the extent of it. Sterling is looking into this new job, that would be a great oppertunity for us. So we are crossing our fingers and thinking positively on this. Mason had a fun filled weekend in the water and amazes me with every new thing he accomplishes. With floaties on, he was able to swim "kick" around the pool with out any help. And Benji, 4 months old, and such a joy, all you have to do is look at hima nd he will flash you his one dimple grin that could melt your heart. Maybe ill update more later, its been a while, we will see....

on track

I'm getting out of the shower and I text a girlfriend of mine, who gave the good word about me at countrywide (which by the way I did take, thanks to a dollar more and possible childcare assistance) and asked her if there was an employee fridge, sounds like a silly ? But I thought I'd better ask. So she says yes and then asks "your coming in thursday right?"
Hold the phone..
Thursday?
Is the 30th!
And all week I had been thinking I started wednesday, thinking its the 30th. Bummer, but hey I get my home prep day back, since I spent most of today downtown serving my jury duty by sitting in a room, fiddling with my phone, and hearing names called off, and by 3 we were all dismissed.

I think sweet little benji is teething, for the past two weeks he has been drooling like no other, gnawing on his fists and anything he can manage to get to his face, and he now has those rosey red cheeks. I hope it doesn't hurt him too bad.

In closing, if times are tough, and you have kiddies, I must say that some great therapy is just simply entering their rooms at night and seeing their sweet peaceful faces, because honestly, what are we without our kids...? Sometimes I think about what would it be like if we had waited to have kids. But I truly believe and feel with my heart that I wouldn't trade it for the world. The proof is in their amazing smiles and sweet innocence.

P.s. I feel so lost without my bella and edward saga contiuing... Breaking dawn is complete and I'm a week out and jonesing, I have been trying to find a digital copy of midnight sun that I can read on my curve. Oh cullens how do you do this to me??

jobs

and also!!!
Job status update.
I think I have the Countrywide (balboa insurance/ bofa) job in the bag. Just waiting for everything to go through the new BOFA hiring system. Of corse bofa has fantastic benifits etc etc... it would only be 11 bucks an hour.

But I have an interview on Monday for Mini Skool (a learning center). With this said. I would ABSOLUTELY love to get back into teaching kiddies. I mean I am soooooo happpy doing that and it would be a monotonous job that you dread going to. I never ONCE dreaded going to work when I worked at KinderCare. Along with LOVING my job, I would get child care discounts for my boys and they also offer insurance and education reimbursement. I think I may be able to get away with asking for 9 at the most for being hired on at Mini Skool. I would love to work my way into this center and sometime in the future become a director. I am fully aware that you have to start at the bottom to rise to the top (where you want to be)

this is what I am mulling over... kthanksbye

admission

Ok.
So I watch American Idol. And This season has some really great contestants.
BUT I really TRULY don't understand what the hoopla is all about with Adam Lambert...................

I think he is TERRIBLE!!! TERRIBLE.
He screams, he doesn't belt it, its screaming.
Simon thinks he great. But he soooo isnt
He doesn't even have any heart. It just looks like
he needs a MAJOR reality check. In fact I wish I could
tell him to stop screaming, the only episode I thought
he was decent was when he was sitting in the chair and
the song was completely stripped. and guess what. no screaming.
Just a rant about that.


any how, I love breaking dawn, after you think the story is done and you can't do anything with it, Stephanie throws you a curve ball. I love it.
And oh Edward. How you make the name Edward not so geeky. *sigh*

Daycare vs office work

Umm...

So we absolutely loved our day care lady diane. Sterling adored her. But today he came home with a new outlook. He pretty much told me that she said that she thought she had mason figured out "At first I thought he was kind of shy and slow but I think he is just defiant when he doesn't listen. **crickets** minus the fluff... She just said she thought OUR son, who just so happens to know 5 words in sign language and is talking in sentences at 2! YOU don't say something like that to a parent. Just before Sterling told me this, he said "I really think you should put an ad to teach kids online".

If you have read my previous post... Kids are my passion. I absolutely adore and love seeing little kids learn and expand their horizons. Unfortunately, Child care centers pay about 8-9 an hour. Which doesn't cut when you have to pay for child care your self.

I had an interview with country wide, and Im pretty sure I got the job in the bag. This job is 11 bucks an hour (2.50 pay cut from my previous job) but with fabulous benefits. Of corse the benefits are the REAL reason I would take such a huge pay check and not look for my other options, which with the economy really is slim pickens.

With his statement earlier, I think I am willing to try and run a LEARNING CENTER out of our home. I say LEARNING CENTER because it wouldn't just be baby sitting, the kids would be learning and interacting as if they were in a day care. On top of that I know from personal experience that the rates I would require would be at least a 1/3 of what you would have to pay at a regular day care. And personally I would rather have some I knew and trusted watch my beautiful boys instead of someone "going to work". Not to say that people at day care don't love their job (Because I was once one of the few that absolutely loved "going to work" when I worked at Childrens World. NEVER a day that I didn't want to go to work, it was an escape for me, the children were bliss.)

With all this said, I am leaving a little gap to see if there are any possible families that would want to take me up on my offer. Friends = Family. And thats EXACTLY the kind of care I would give. If you know of anyone who may be interested. Please pass my number or email off to them. THANKS!
4809079417
ashleymlloyd@yahoo.com

March in a lump sum.

I want to start off by saying this is going to be a pretty long one, just because when I read, it makes me want to write. k?k.

So I finished "New Moon" and it is freaking fabulous! I am so glad it turned out the way it did and I am super stoked for the actual movie to come out, just to see how they will portray the story. There is a lot of action in the second half. (thank god because this book took forever to finally get off the pity wagon) I have started "Eclipse". I have heard that this book is pretty stinking good too. Snaps for the twilight series.
*Disclaimer: I know that its a teenage phenom and I am 22 years old, but its so stinking good I don't care. Find time to get lost in another world once in a while. Its worth it.

Here are two pictures from Mason's birthday party, I STILL haven't gotten the disposible pictures to the store to get developed because I was sick all week last week along with my two babies. No fun. No gym time either. Blegh....

He is such a big boy, I can't believe he is two already. **Mommy Alert** (may be graphic to those who don't have children) Last night Mason went poopy on the potty, and this time it was him actually actively pushing... I gave him ice cream for a congrats!! I have to now stock up on a more sugarless prize. :) I'm stoked, and really hope this wasn't just a fluke. He tells us that he has to go potty, so he knows whats gotta go down.

Yesterday was my hubbies birthday and he was stoked. He mentioned about how funny it is how un eventful your birthdays become when you have children. Your own birthdays don't seem as a big milestone as your childs, so why celebrate? I think its malarky. I made him a great pancake breakfast with bacon. His birthday request. All of this after pulling all nighter fighting with Mason to stay in his room (why he put up a fight alllllll night, I dont have a clue) We went to the dog park with Capone. He went to buy his birthday present. Ended the day with a joint bday get together for him and my step brother JD. He is a such a great father, and an amazing husband. I sometimes stop in my tracks and wonder how in the world I got so lucky to have nagged one of the most compassionate and smart men I know. He is truly a blessing. Even when he leaves his sweaty gym clothes where he takes them off i.e. in the middle of the floor in mounds; sweaty mounds. Hehe

I have the most massive headache I think I have ever had in my life. I may even consider it a migraine its so stinkin bad right now. I was thankfully asked to stay another week at work to "man" the phone, since it won't roll over to the new office til next monday. So all this week, I will be at the office, job searching, reading Eclipse, skimming magazines, car less. So with this said, My headache + sans water = not a happy camper at the moment. OUCHIES!

After a week of not being at the gym, I am stoked about going and getting into my cardio and strength training. I really want to start working out in the morning. I just feel that would make me a happier person during the day with more energy. Ironically since I was home last week the two days I was sick, I couldn't nap to save my life. Why was this??? Aren't you supposed to nap when your sick? Whatev. I just have to work this headache GONE!

Srsly, Lucky.

I have been under the weather the past two days. And my wonderful husband made this for me to brighten my day.

I super lucky to have him. The best 6 years of my life.

(click on it to read it.)

*sigh*

Family Pictures

My father-in-law took some pictures for us about a week ago, and I got them back. Here they are.

M
A
S
O
N

B
E
N
J
A
M
I
N

Brotherly Love ;)

Goodbye.

Mason's 2

My biggest baby is 2!

I can't even believe it!

He is such a booger and never seizes to amaze us.

I got up early and cooked breakfast fit for a prince and he loved!

He even got a strawberry smoothie along with his french toast, bacon and eggs.

By the end of the day, he was singing "Happy [pause] to you" taking out the word birthday, lol.

He's a pic of his breakfast and then his cake. :)

Birthday party is on saturday and we will have tons of pics from then too! :D

Nanny 911

My aunts have run their corse with watching the boys, and we are so greatful that they helped us out this long. Their job has picked up (lucky for them) and don't have the means to continue watching them. If any of you know someone that is looking to take care of kids for some extra cash, please let me know. I would much rather have a friend of a friend take care of my precious boys than some random person on craiglist (because really, day care isn't financially an option at 300+ dollars a WEEK).

Please pass this on... we would really appreciate the help. THANKS!

Matchie Matchie

It won't be like this, for long

He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all nite
Lay'n there in bed listen'n
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK
It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll look back laugh'n
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
It won't be like this for long
Four years later bout four thirty
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This will only last a week or two
It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll drop her off
And she wont even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It wont be like this for long
One day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times you'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she up and cry'n
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watch'n her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It wont be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah this phase is gonna fly by
He's try'n to hold on
It wont be like this for long
It wont be like this for long

Mr. Mom

It has just been one of those days for Sterling.
Whenever we don't have a sitter for the boys during the week, Sterling has to stay home until someone gets home and is able to let him work (his job is piece rate with flexible hours).
Play by play


6 this morning, Mason decides to wake up and "get ready" with my mom and I. Come time for us to leave, he flips out, and wants nothing to do with Daddy.

9 rolls around and I get a phone call from Sterling saying "We are on our way to the emergency room"... WHAT?! Why? He said that Mason cut the tip of his finger pretty good from the open green bean can from last nights dinner. So the doc put glue on his finger and sent them home.

this next one is the kicker:
Sterling was feeding Benji and Mason pooped his diaper, so Sterling changed his diaper and was bombarded with Benjamin's demanding cries for his milk. So he just slipped Mason's shorts on with his diaper. (Un pottytrained without diaper = no good.) Being a one track mind guy, completely forgets. He feeds him lunch, then lays him down for his nap. about 15-20 minuter later he hears something hit the wall. Mason had climbed into our bed and was standing up, hands against the wall, legs spread, and had pooped...yes POOPED his diaper pants!! Hence the waste was not contained...

The End.

Poor Daddy.

Book worm

On a book binge... and decided once I make my way through New Moon which is finally starting to pick up after 200 pages of Bella "waa waaa why'd he leave me waa waa" I can happily move onto her friendship with Jacob and gleefully welcome Edward back at the end. Sadly, I know more about the book than I have read, but enjoy the anticipation and unfolding. Anways... These are some books on my list that I am going to hunt for. If you have any that are a must read, Please add a comment.

• Diary of Ann Frank
• The Shack
• Down Came the Rain
• [please insert your book here]

2 THOUGHS OF THE DAY

BARE WITH ME
a little bitter today


never trust a man with a mustache

small world full of douches
not the vinager and water kind.

Passion

After reading Lauren's Bite and realizing that she is not crazy obsessed with Edward Cullen from the Twilight series. She explained why she was so passionate about it. Girl you can obviously tell you don't have children yet, especially to be able to take pictures of Pocket Edwards "first bath" lol But the simple fact that you have a passion that you are dedicated to, makes me stop and wonder, what's my passion. I have an absolute love for my children and a passionate love affair with my husband who still gives me butterflies even after knowing him for 6 years. I went to my google university, as Jenny McCarthy calls it, and searched "finding my passion". Several self help websites came up and listed things that can "help" you find your passion. I figured I could jot down some of the things that bring a smile to my face.

• teaching children
• psychology and how the brain works (cognitive)
• doing crafts
• pictures
• purses
• shoes
• scrapbooking
• making jewelry
• new technology
• nostalgia
• reading something that takes me out of my "element" aka-twlight
• learning knew things
• random facts and thoughts
• writing my thoughts
• friendships
• talking about my kids
• talking about life in general
• making collages on the computer
• movies, movies and movies. Especially movies that really take you away and make you really think.
• different culures, beliefs and religions
• health and your body
• exercizing the body and mind
• history, anything historical (ties into cultures, beliefs and religion)
• travel
• In depth conversations with someone about their passions
• politics (yes, you think, boring but it really sparks my interest when people explain their logistics)

a lot. Just writing all of these out it is clear to me why I haven't been able to narrow down one particular interest and really become overwhelmingly passionate it about that ONE thing. I certainly can not have them all. I would love to have something that I can really take time out of the day for myself to really focus on that one passion of mine. My mom's passion is running, My Aunt Barbs passion is scrapbooking. Mimi's passion, although it gets her in trouble, is shopping. Clicking through random blogs, there are some people who obviously have a true passion for blogging about anything and everything. Oddly, I'm envious. It has to be because they take that time to stop, sit and write about their lives, this is their time.

I don't know very many people with this "blogger" but I have been able to browse through several and would hope to get some sort of feedback. According to "ineedmotivation" they said that about 75% of people have no idea what their passion is. I find this kind of endearing, knowing I am not the only one, and it seems comes full circle when people often complain of feeling lost. I don't feel lost. Just simply misplaced and a mess in my own brain.

Change of Events

Completely forgot I start writing this, so I shall continue, since I am at work and getting paid to do nothing and they are letting me go on the 13th. HAPPY FRIDAY the 13th right?

Thats precisely the change of events. I will no longer have a job after next friday. Along with it being frightening not having income and the economy being a complete nightmare. Irony comes to play. In 2006 I started working at Cyclone, a month into working there, I got pregnant with Mason. Come 2007, Mason is 2 months old, and Cyclone closes their doors to our office. Jobless with Baby #1. After watching my beautiful nephew and niece for some extra cash, and their time, the extra cash -soon became not enough. 2008, Mason turns 1, a month and a half pass, a positive pregnancy test, shows Benjamin will be coming soon to a L&D near you. Now, a year into my position at Gale, is now non-existent and...... Come March 13th.......... Benjamin will be .... Duhn duhn dun...... 2 months old. With Baby #2.... now jobless. What does this mean? I am convinced it could be worse, with a lady at another office being a month from retirement and a 1 month out of her husbands passing, was let go. I am blessed to have two healthy boys and a great husband. If only that could get us through life comfortably. With bills and creditors calling, thats not some comfortable. Job search is on. Clinging to the loves of my life.

They melt my heart.

Insecure

Insecurities.
Its really good to write out your feelings and since my emotions are still on a rollercoaster from the all those stinking pregnancy hormones I am having a hard time right now. If you feel attacked, Im sorry, but I need to get this out for ME to feel better. For one, there is nothing I can't stand more then someone saying they will do something and completely cutting off contact when it doesn't happen. I don't know if its because your affraid to hurt my feelings by telling me you can't make it or what, but not telling me hurts my feelings worse. Just tell me that you aren't going to follow through and I wont hold it against you. Im a scorpio ok. Grudges are my first name, not that I won't be friendly and bend over backwards for you, but know that if this happens, its all that I think about until I am able to brush it off. There are a couple friends that I can't let go of, and never will, but at some point I can't let my emotions be taken advantage of. Its black and white. I don't even need the reason.
I really need to learn how to let things pass, and not let them mull over in my head. Its exhausting, and I want to be able to keeping moving forward instead of letting it ruin my now.
There have been many times where I feel like I was totally left out of the loop, is it because my company is unbearable? Please, be frank with me, dont hurt my feelings, I can use this to work on what I said earlier. Whether you feel like I am talking to you or not, this is not to hurt your feelings, of corse its the last thing I want to do, but I need to get it out of my mind and written down.

Men are weak, Women are the devil.

He's just not that into you.
What a great movie. I truly shows you how simple minded men are. haha Not that its a bad thing but I can't put into words how smart this movie is. Along with them being simple minded. They are WEAK. I dont care if you haven't seen it, you see it coming. There is this one couple that were married out of college, she gave him an ultimatum "you either marry me, or we are done". Well the guy "Ben" said he didn't want to lose her, so he married her. Years down the road, they are renovating a house, and getting it all together, and he bumps into a beautiful woman (Scarlett Johansen) in the grocery store (which in real life could happen, Scarlett Johansen mabe not, but beautiful, sure.) and she happens to get his card since he is in the music industry and she wants to become a singer. She originally asks to take his number, and he declines and tells her he is married. Good for him. But She takes his card for his professional help. She decides she wants to call him NOT for his help on the music side, but because she wants to see him again. Blah dee blah dee blah... She totally luers (sp?) this little boy (yes "ben") into her web, and he caves. Several times when he feels himself faultering, he tells her he is married. She's persistant in getting him to cave, and he does. Go to the beginning of earth, Eve is the one who gets Adam to sin and eat the apple. Since all since are the same, they are Adam and Eve. Just different circumstances. This scenerio reminds me of another movie with the "Adam and Eve" called "The Last Kiss" GREAT movie, just so sad to see men faulter when you see that they truly love their woman, but the temptation was too great. I'm not saying that cheating is AT ALL okay. But its just sad that its so common. It truly makes me sick to my stomach.

In the end
Men are weaklings
Women feed off of temptation

This is just one couple in this movie, they did a great job in capturing different type of relationships and sterotypes. Great movie.

Sleep... whats that?

Momma's back to work

Thats right you heard it right.

Instead of ranting, I am rejoicing that I even have a job!

The family is doing great and I just wanted to add some pics while I was on here.

Introducing............

Mr. Benjamin Bryce Lloyd

He came into our world at 12:44 am on 1/12 @ 7 lbs 3 oz and 20.5 in. nice and healthy :D

Check Please

May I please give this baby an eviction notice?


seriously. Benjamin babe Im done, I know your ready, now you need to really kick my body into gear! Im starting to get sick with a runny nose, lightheaded, and achey all over. HELP MOMMY! K? thanks!

Our Case of Benjamin Button

So................ being induced friday. Didnt happen. They scheduled me for thursday at 230pm. I would love for my body to FINALLY let go of our Benjamin. I can tell he is ready he's stretching and pulling on my nerves, literally. Everyday I think "today is the day, it will be his birthday" ahhh... I could only hope.