Compromise

So yesterday, I let my adrenaline get to me. I started spouting off when I shouldn't have. There are certain triggers that seem to get me going, and I needed to take matters into my own hands. I apologize if anything hurtful came from it, that is certainly not my intention. In current times, it may seems selfish to others, but it is only allowing myself to heal. I hate that it has come down to this, and I hope that there will be another winding path that brings us together, inside of drive my emotions into the ground. I feel like if this will ever happen, I need to come to some reconciliation with myself. You know how they say for every year your were with someone, the healing from the breakup takes 6 months to each year. I think this also applies to deep friendships, that are no longer on the same path. There is never lost love, just frustration on both sides, I'm sure. All I am really trying to say is, I am needing to do the selfish thing in the now, in order to be okay in the future. I love you and I'm sure you know who you are. I don't expect a response, but know that when we are face to face. I will still show you respect, in that I care, and want us to have an understanding. I hope you understand, and if not now, in the future.

Master at all

I often find my myself envy of others gifts. IE picture taking, the way the dress (not actual clothes, but how they put the outfit together), even something as simple as writing.

Last night we were watching America's Got Talent and this older Asian man was literally a one man band. They passed him through, but he sounded like a big ol mess. The fact the it takes him 3 hrs to put together his instrument just blew the judges away, he was super sweet. I got to thinking about the mess that was his band. I want to be a master at one thing. Do it well. But I enjoy a lot of things.... just never find time to do it. I really enjoy crafts and learning new things to bake. I want to get into some interior design and start a blog for Mason's random pictures. But I get home, and play with boys because I haven't seen them all day. They are what I want to be good at. They are what I want to master. Being there, being their mommy. But I also need something to identify me. I see flora delis, and see my Aunt Barb, I see Country Crafts and I see my grandma, and I see runners world and see My mom, I see sales and I see Patti. Is there anything that you see, and you see me?

This post began as something completely different but ended in an open ended question that may not even be answered. Curiosity wont kill this cat. Failure is in my dictionary, but never holds me back from trying something new.

Even now I feel like it sounds like a mess. Just because I dont indentify with something, doesnt mean that I am unhappy. I want to transfer my happiness into something for me. From me. Unselfishly.

Totally Wired LLC

Sterling is officially a small business owner. Im so excited for him because this is such a huge deal. He is very independent and an amazingly hard worker. Now we just need to start getting clients, who can in turn, give out referrals!

www.totallywiredaz.com

Analysis by an Arizona State Senator

 

I'm Arizona State Senator Sylvia Allen. I want to explain SB 1070 which I  voted for and was just signed by Governor Jan Brewer.  Rancher Rob Krantz was murdered by the drug cartel on his ranch a month ago.  I participated in a senate hearing two weeks ago on the border violence,  here is just some of the highlights from those who testified.  The people who live within 60 to 80 miles of the Arizona/Mexico Border have  for years been terrorized and have pleaded for help to stop the daily  invasion of humans who cross their property . One Rancher testified that 300  to 1200 people a DAY come across his ranch vandalizing his property,  stealing his vehicles and property, cutting down his fences, and leaving  trash. In the last two years he has found 17 dead bodies and two Koran  bibles.  Another rancher testified that daily drugs are brought across his ranch in a  military operation. A point man with a machine gun goes in front, 1/2 mile  behind are the guards fully armed, 1/2 mile behind them are the drugs,  behind the drugs 1/2 mile are more guards. These people are violent and they  will kill anyone who gets in the way. This was not the only rancher we heard  that day that talked about the drug trains.  One man told of two illegal's who came upon his property one shot in the  back and the other in the arm by the drug runners who had forced them to  carry the drugs and then shot them. Daily they listen to gun fire during the  night it is not safe to leave his family alone on the ranch and they can't  leave the ranch for fear of nothing being left when they come back.  The border patrol is not on the border. They have set up 60 miles away with  check points that do nothing to stop the invasion. They are not allowed to  use force in stopping anyone who is entering. They run around chasing them,  if they get their hands on them then they can take them back across the  border.  Federal prisons have over 35% illegal's and 20% of Arizona prisons are  filled with illegal's. In the last few years 80% of our law enforcement that  have been killed or wounded have been by an illegal.  The majority of people coming now are people we need to be worried about.  The ranchers told us that they have seen a change in the people coming they  are not just those who are looking for work and a better life.  The Federal Government has refused for years to do anything to help the  border states. We have been over run and once they are here we have the  burden of funding state services that they use. Education cost have been  over a billion dollars. The healthcare cost billions of dollars. Our State  is broke, $3.5 billion deficit and we have many serious decisions to make.  One is that we do not have the money to care for any who are not here  legally. It has to stop.  The border can be secured. We have the technology we have the ability to  stop this invasion. We must know who is coming and they must come in an  organized manner legally so that we can assimilate them into our population  and protect the sovereignty of our country. We are a nation of laws. We have  a responsibility to protect our citizens and to protect the integrity of our  country and the government which we live under.  I would give amnesty today to many, but here is the problem, we dare not do  this until the Border is secure. It will do no good to forgive them because  thousands will come behind them and we will be over run to the point that  there will no longer be the United States of America but a North American  Union of open borders. I ask you what form of government will we live under?  How long will it be before we will be just like Mexico, Canada or any of the  other Central American or South American countries? We have already lost our  language, everything must be printed in Spanish also. We have already lost  our history it is no longer taught in our schools. And we have lost our  borders.  The leftist media has distorted what SB 1070 will do. It is not going to set  up a Nazi Germany. Are you kidding. The ACLU and the leftist courts will do  everything to protect those who are here illegally, but it was an effort to  try and stop illegal's from setting up businesses, and employment, and  receiving state services and give the ability to local law enforcement when  there is probable cause like a traffic stop to determine if they are here  legally. Federal law is very clear if you are here on a visa you must have  your papers on you at all times. That is the law. In Arizona all you need to  show you are a legal citizen is a driver license, MVD identification card,  Native American Card, or a Military ID. This is what you need to vote, get a  hunting license, etc.. So nothing new has been added to this law. No one is  going to be stopped walking down the street etc... The Socialist who are in  power in DC are angry because we dare try and do something and that  something the Socialist wants us to do is just let them come. They want the  "Transformation" to continue.  Maybe it is too late to save America. Maybe we are not worthy of freedom  anymore. But as an elected official I must try to do what I can to protect  our Constitutional Republic. Living in America is not a right just because  you can walk across the border. Being an American is a responsibility and it  comes by respecting and upholding the Constitution the law of our land which  says what you must do to be a citizen of this country. Freedom is not free.

 

 

Politically Purple

 

A while back I took a little survey online that rated what party I belonged to based on my beliefs and stance on hot topics. I landed dead smack in the middle, and they labeled me "Conservative Liberal". It is almost an oxy moron. Truth is, that is very me. I watch FOX news AND CNN. My stance on Gay Marriage is very liberal and ILLEGAL immigration is extremely conservative. I am not the judge, God (or whoever you believe in) has the gavel. I will not enforce my views on someone else in the political realm. When it comes to law, I will speak about the crimes committed as stated in the book. Last time I checked:

il·le·gal 1.forbidden by law or statute. 

If you know anything about me, I am far from judgemental, as long as you are a good person, and strive to do good for others. If you are a productive citizen in society, I had no issue with you.  The person is who is living here illegally may be a wonderful, kind hearted person, and again, I have no issues with you as a person, its the broken law that is the problem. I am in no means perfect, but I respect authority, and I am thankful for them attempting to keep our community safe. Like a bumper sticker I saw says "Thank a Cop" and you should. America is the land of the free and home of the brave, not home of the handouts. You work hard like our founding fathers, and you will reap the benefits.

I thought about adding statistics to this post but don't want to spend the entire post talking about these. So click on the following link if you interested. They are astounding. SB 1070 is ironically just an enforcement bill... it states what is already law and PROHIBITS racial profiling, it is ILLEGAL for them to pull you over because of the color of you skin. period. Your Drivers License shows that your a citizen. Don't break the law and you have nothing to worry about.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/bloggers/1738432/posts

 

There are two shows that have come out this springs, and I love them!!

Parenthood on NBC is great. They mix honest to goodness real life situations with some comedy. It follows 4 siblings and they journeys through parenting. All 4 have completely different situations and treat each parenting road block differently. Being a parent sometimes can be a catch-22 and will make you a hypocrite at times, and in these times you have to be tough on your stance, and they show the trails that they go through during these episodes. Next show is Modern Family on ABC, PURE comedy, I don't even know how to explain the shows premise, but they are s dysfunctional family, making fun of different family issues. Classic.  I  definitely recommended these two shows, because you will find that you can relate, and in turn laugh at yourself.  

Dental date from hell. Oh my, this is what I get for not seeing the dentist in over 7 years! I had a four o clock appointment to get 3 fillings and a cleaning. Little did I know, that 3 hours later, my entire right side of my face would be entirely numb, including my eye lid! It was by no means comfortable and I can barely chew this morning. Round 2 is next Wednesday and I am NOT looking forward to it. Maybe next time I will tell them that I need to sit up after they give me the numbing meds so it doesn't run down my face internally and number me entirely again! No fun. 

 

We will soon be firing the workers in the baby factory.  Sterling met with the family doctor yesterday, and got the ok and referral to the doc to get a vasectomy. Directly after Benjamin, we had a rough go around and said we would wait until Mason was in school to try for a girl. The more and more we thought about it, we feel like having a third child is just not for us. I want my boys to have the most fulfilling childhood they can. Shooting 50/50 for a girl and having another boy are just not worth us attempting to have another. So... he is making his appointment, and I am excited to turn the page.

 

This week has been pretty hectic and I have been doing half hour lunches at work. This sucks because I have been working out on my breaks and 30 minutes and just not enough time. Today, I finally got to run on my lunch and it was glorious. Its so strange how I feel like my body is changing, but feel bad about it. Body image is such a funny thing, you either good or miserable. I am hovering around 10 lbs more than my comfort weight. My clothes are fitting different and they aren't tight, and they aren't loose, just different. Very strange. But FYI, after my run, Today is a good day! :)

 

Last but not least, moving, or time at my moms is rounding 3rd base and were are needing to find home. Its so tough when you have a budget that you are setting yourself up so you can continue to save money and live comfortably. Most places that I am interested in are in our price range but we would be saving less than I'd like, but on the other hand the ones that fit my ideal savings plan are not in an okay place to raise my kids. Tough, but we will find one. Takin time. 

 

Thanks for reading! Until next time, have a great day! 

Salt and Pepper

Oh the times. <br>

I am finally taking a second to clear my head of the ramblings that are my thoughts. <br>

I currently have myself on a "training" regiment for running. About three weeks ago. I finally ran a mile without stopping or slowing. It may seem insignificant to the average runner, but this is a big deal! I can honestly say that I had never done that in my entire life, even as a kid, running just was not my thing. I have flat feet, so just the thought of running made my feet throb. I bought a pair of tennies made specifically to help support my non arched feet, and off I went. There is still a little discomfort, but miles better than before. I'm currently at 2 miles steady and will up the anty once that because easier. It has become such a great work out for me, so satisfying knowing that I am doing things with my body I never imagined would be possible. <br>

Chelsey is due next month. The doctor told her to be on alert because little miss might just come early. Of course, being my sister, I hope the best, and will kidnap the little lady often. <Br>

We are nearing the end of our stay with my mom, and I'm sure it will be bitter sweet. She is such a huge help and the boys, especially Benjamin, are so attached to her. We have accomplish most of our financial goals in this time period, and are so grateful that we have had this opportunity. It came to us as a devastating blow, and to move back into a parents home, is pretty tough when you are as independent and prideful as Sterling and I are. We couldn't even begin to show the gratitude deserved. All of our parents have helped us out in more ways then one, financially and physically, we will find a way to repay all of you, in due time. Now we are starting our hunt for a home that we can call ours. With Sterling's self employment, we are unable to receive a loan only on my income. But we are looking for a rent to own or lease option, so we can have a "permanent" residence and stop the vicious cycle of moving.<br>

The work environment has exceed expectations. We got a new supervisor, and he is completely opposite of the previous. He seems to get us as a team, and does a really good job understanding personal issues that any individual has. His whole demeanor is friendly and not hierarchy. This obviously makes it easier to handle when the days are long and irritating. <br>

Sterling started a business for his home wiring business, Totally Wired LLC. This is a huge thing for him, especially in the slow season of work at Mediacom. If you, anyone you know, need any cable, internet, phone wiring done or relocated let us know! He's your man! <br>

Mason is so excited for summer, I can't get him to wait! He keeps asking when we can go swimming... and I am waiting until a couple 100 degree days, so the pool is not ice cold. Oh the joys of being a kid, and not caring about the temperature of the water.  He has also started a nightly prayer, and is so cute when he repeats it. It just makes me all giggly inside. <br>

There are so many things to come. Its only looking up from here.

 

 

fly balls and home runs

I'm going to get the negative out first, always feels better when I end on a high note.

On the job front, I'm still pulling out my hair, and desperately trying to get into a position where I can at least tolerate the mundane. I thought I had a great opportunity in a branch, but after my interview yesterday, that went down the drain. Interviewer said that I was obviously qualified for the coaching aspect, and obviously a great employee, but I did not have enough managerial experience with goal based operations. Yea, Yea. Its getting very disheartening when you know you have what it takes to step it up and others just look at the black and white.

Caught fly balls seem to be the theme for us at the moment. We got Sterling a work truck, spent an ungodly amount of money on it, and it took a crap on us. So we had to end up doing something we DID NOT have planned. At all.

My political side is getting larger and larger with what is going on in the government. My motto has always been, if you don't like what is going on in America... Take a hike. I'm starting to see the other side. Please tell me why those who were on unemployment, received unemployment benefits while unemployed, receive a 3500 dollar tax break? Tell me how this sounds right. Didn't we, the people, help them out WHILE they were unemployed? Why should they receive more? Its a sore subject because WE both lost our jobs, and I fought tooth and nail for where I am, I may complain, but I am thankful for the income. Sterling on the other hand, has bounced from job to job, to support his family, unable to receive benefits because he jumped at every job that was brought to him, even if it was not enough. I certainly, certainly, do not mind paying taxes, but I do get angry when they want to pull our Officers and Fighters when they should be the LAST to go, and stop painting mosaics on our freeways, no one cares about those, the mosaics do not keep our cities safe.

And the health care debate... Oh, the debate. Let me tell you from a non insured pregnant woman at time in need. This system DOES need to be looked at. I was unmarried, and pregnant with my first child, making 12/hr. According to the Government, I made TOO much to get help. I am now STILL stuck with $12000+ in medical bills, while other who took advantage of the system sit at home with their children and play with them. They need to audit the current peoples using it and then set the standards for those who actually NEED it, instead of RELYing on it.

Now the stresses of trying to find a decent roof for our boys, without sacrificing their safety. Talk about disheartening. We are even considering a 1 bedroom and were rejected at one apartments that would have been PERFECT. But they have a 3 to 1 policy. So they offered their 1 bedroom with a den, and of course its out of our "budget".

Breathe........"If he brings you to it, he will guide you through it"

Benjamin is one!

Mason is turning 3!!! what what???!!

I cant even believe the time.
We are talking about signing Mason up for soccer. He keeps asking, and I know he would love to play with some "friends". :)

There is a difference between complaining, and getting stuff off your chest.

With all those negatives above, there has been a lot of patting on the backs, and "we will get through this" talks. I thank God everyday for providing the backbone that is my husband, I can even begin to express how helpful and loving he is. He has a huge heart. I'm not one to boast about my love, but man, sometimes your just can't help but praise the one that is fighting right along side you. When I have the moments of pity me, he grabs my hand and walks through the rain with me. I know that when he repeated "In sickness and in health." This meant financially and physically. In these times of recognizing him, It makes it easier to excuse the smelly work clothes on the floor and the open cereal box from the morning before.

Since I have found a good new pair of shoes, I have regained my ambition to run. I have even sacrificed my lunch break, to take a run. I would love to take run outside, but again, run into wanting to hang out with my boys... and boys always win. Hands down. Ill deal with the treadmill, until I can get time to run, without interrupting my boy time.
We can groan, we can grumble, but you pick yourself back up, dust off your clothes, and get back in the fight. Those who are taking the easy road today, will see your hard work pay off later, and you'll be the one ahead.