Sterling, Ashley, Mason and Benji

Is your love a farse?

2011-09-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

For my Personal Growth in Intimate Relationship course I am asked to write a blog to help out other college students or friends with love. I am going to use the information that was provided for me in this post. I believe that most of the information that with come hereafter most of us know, but we deny because of the innocent veil we were when we are "in love. We often hear from the generation that came before us, "your young, what do you know about love?" They only prod us with this question because there veil is no more. Its in their past and they see these young kids making some mistakes that they made. If you interested, follow me into triangular world of love that has to do with commitment, intimacy and passion.

Consider these words... different types of love.
Non love
liking
infatuation
empty love
romantic love
companionate love
fatuous love
consummate love

The three in bold I feel I should discuss.
Romantic love, I believe, is one of the largest factors of why the divorce rate is the way it is. People go into a relationship desiring the movies, Gone with the Wind and The Notebook type of love. There is nothing wrong with having a fantasy, but it will hurt you when you allow it to blind your heart from the reality of a intimate relationship. Statistically, one who is in a type of romantic love, loses this passion that drove them into the deep end. Romance begins with a strong arousal to one another and veils the negative, and sometimes damaging, aspects of the other. You think "I love him, he is so good to me, I get butterflies every time we hold hands" and your friends see "he is controlling, we never see you and whenever we try to do something with you, there is always an excuse." This is the honeymoon stage. If this continues and you damage all of the healthy relationships... there may be something to reevaluate. You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. By saying this, you need to be able to operate without the other to be a whole person. The person you love cannot truly be the thing that makes you "whole". You should strive to be "whole" before you seek a relationship and when it comes time to mesh with the other, you can bring all of your positive aspects to the table and become a great secure couple. If you are both insecure than you will see that your passion will decrease after marriage and will fizzle to nothing... you will have no identity because your identity was this relationship that is now... nothing.

Fatuous love is the type of love that may most likely lead you into a relationship that leads to controlling issues. This love is very dangerous because of the amount of passion associated between the two involved. This love has passion and commitment but little intimacy. If you feel you are in a relationship with little intimacy and strong commitment and passion, you may feel that you have a strong relationship and be misguided because of the amount of commitment. Consider that you are committed to the relationship and that passion that may be involved, but the lack of intimacy really takes a shot at you self esteem. You may consider talking to a counselor and determine whether your relationship is the cause for you low self esteem and self loving.

Thirdly, Consummate love. I hear the word consummate and automatically thing of the wedding night. The night you "consummate" your marriage, as most people assume. This may be all so true because when you are in a consummate love, you are high in intimacy, passion and commitment. All of these are present and so strong that this is the type of love that can withstand the test of time. This love has a healthy dose of all and when lacking in one, the others may provide the help needed to bring back what is low. Most believe that marriage is a 50/50. In reality, this is far from the truth. When you say, "in sickness and in health", you mean in sickness you will take on more to be sure that your significant other is comfortable and taken care of. This goes the same for when your sick or incapable, your spouse will be sure to pull more than 50% of the weight to make sure you are taken care of. It does not work 50/50 all the time. People go into marriages thinking it supposed to be 50/50 and when they see that is not, they throw in the towel because they have "given too much" and in reality they didn't realize the commitment they made included times when you give more of yourself than expected. When a woman is pregnant, the man cannot provide the 50/50 because the woman is the one who is pregnant. Often times when the baby is born, the mother breastfeeds, and the father feels out of the loop. He wants to provide for his new baby and mom is still the source of most providing. This is just how it happens and in time you will find a way to see a balance. In times of unbalance, ride it out... before you consider the next step into marriage, ask yourself if you are prepared to be committed to this person for the rest of your life, in sickness and in health? Is it just romance? Do you desire something that is just not there? Is this person willing to give more in times of need? Are you blinded by the idea of romance and fantasy? Love isn't a game and we shouldn't treat it as such, there are no winners if you treat it this way.

Shake it off!

2011-05-18T21:20:00.000-07:00

Lets begin... with an ending!
School is done for this semester, with the exception of an online math test and final. Those are none to worry. Just so glad to be done with that stress and ready to be done with the stress of moving (aren't we always moving ?? ) Hopefully once the air is clear I can breathe a sigh of relief and my face will clear! These zits are only adding to my stress!!

The boys are getting ever so big. I just wish I could ball up our little moments and savor them. Since I don't think we will be able to head to Oregon for the family vacation, I'm hoping to be able to spring up to San Diego to get some good family time. If anyone has any ideas for cheap tickets to Sea World or San Diego Zoo let me know!

P90X is pretty exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. Doing it in increments (not the 90 day straight craziness) but still seeing results :)

I think we are due for some family pictures...

We mess up sometimes

2011-04-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

Silly faces!

Ok... In reality, I should be writing something I should have written ~~one~~ two nights ago... I had something more urgent than that tonight and that thing that should have been written could wait. I want to share something with you all...

Easter at Mission.

I have done a lot of thinking and I am literally counting my blessings left and right. There are some things in life that we, as a family, wish we could be doing, like many other families have, but it is not our time. I have to be okay with that. Why? Because I am overwhelming blessed in so many areas in my life that I should not look down upon those areas in which others may think I am "poor" in. Life is just that - one giant blessing.

with my sister and neice :)

how is p90x? Amazing! Just making time for it instead of sticking to its "90" day philosophy. Because its so fun I want to do it all the time. With the semester coming to an end, thats just plain impossible!

Promises Promises

2011-03-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

I can't begin to tell you how many times I have promised myself I will do something, or continue doing something, then I look back wondering what kept me from keeping these random promises. It all boils down to time. I could sit and dwell on the fact that I made promises that I didn't keep for myself, but I wont, why? It wastes time!

Some updates. Benjamin is 2 and Mason is 4. O My Goodness! I just can't get over how big these boys are! They amaze me everyday, like on Saturday when Ben unraveled the entire roll of toilet tissue and decided he was going to flush it ALL down our only toilet that never flushes what it needs to most of the time anyway! Needless to say, I plunged for an hour and a half while making dinner. Having to use a cup to get the excess water from NOT splashing while I was plunging, into the bathroom, which then clogged too! Then Sterling and Phil come and Phil gets it on his first try. Of course. Thank goodness Benjamin wasn't trying to flush poop down. Phew!

Mason had a super fun birthday party, as you can see in the following pictures.

Love this picture of Natalie :)

Mason showing off for his friend Ava <3

Benjamin's face is priceless in both of these

Mason HAD to make a goofy face.

We are going to try out P90X tonight and see if we can "commit" to it. Thanks Casey for letting us borrow it! Hope it doesnt end up in the "what made us not go through with our promise" pile.

Tomorrow is Sterling's 25th birthday! To infinity!

Endearing Benjamin Franklin

2011-02-01T22:03:00.000-08:00

My dear Friend, June 25, 1745
I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. lie is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.
-Benjamin Franklin

Some food for thought....

without a trace

2011-01-29T12:33:00.000-08:00

I find it completely mind consuming that certain people in my life have just been completely erased from the scene in my life. With social networking and technology these days, you'd think it'd be easier to keep in touch than for someone to just "dissappear".
Let me explain to particular instances.
1. a friend from NC that I was great friends with since junior high just disappeared. This loss of communication isn't new with him, but with all of the factors that were considered, I accepted those as just busy time. He was a marine and recently ended his career there. He was married and now has a baby boy. By nature, I like to check in with friends to be sure they are well and keep up with the times. We typically didn't speak for months, often years, at a time. Since he had been deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq on different tours. I would randomly search his name, to make sure the "no news is good news" rang true. I was able to catch up with him just around the time his son was born. Then kept up on facebook for a couple months, then POOF! Gone. I sent him a Hello via phone and nothing. Then it appeared that he deleted his facebook. Okay, facebook isn't for everyone. When talking with our fellow middle school friends he comes up since he was in our circle. Searched him again today, nothing. Search his wife, there she was with a profile pic of all 3 of them. Married to: a code name, 100 percent sure it was him, with none of his friends that he had on his original facebook page. Is that a sign that he isn't wanting to be found. Point taken.
2. Girldfriend from work (previous employer). We were super close and she was there for the birth of Mason. So was a breath of fresh air and always so sweet and true. She disappeared after I found out I was pregnant with Benjamin. POOF! I tried contacting her on myspace (only form of communication since she had changed her number) I didn't want her to think I was phasing her out or anything, wanted to make sure I was putting in my effort. Just gone. Tried sending her a request as to why she wasnt responding to any of my inquiries. You have to keep in mind, I'm not the "stalker" type. We were super close, she even did my make up for my wedding. Since I was already on the search for friend number 1 who vanished, I figured I would search her to. There she was, tempted to message her, I didn't. We didn't have a falling out or anything of the sort, that's why these disappearing acts are so strange to me. Since she hadn't responded before, why would she now? Point taken.
Anyone have any ideas as to why people vanish like this? Personally I think the more connections you have in life, the more meaningful and fulfilling. Has anyone else had this happen, without a word? Is it strange that I keep checking in on these long lost friends?

Visit with Santa

2010-12-12T17:40:00.000-08:00

Mason was so excited to tell Santa exactly what he wanted for Christmas! Benjamin went right along with it and just smiled.

Thankfullness

2010-12-10T12:18:00.000-08:00

Adding our family pics... Do I really need to tell you why I should be thankful? :)
See for yourself!!!

I am.

2010-11-09T20:26:00.000-08:00

I am.

I am Ashley Lloyd

I am a mother of 2 boys.

I am a wife, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin and friend.

I am a believer.

I am a teacher.

I am open to change.

I am an optimist.

I am a lifetime student.

I am easy going.

I am a movie go-er and book reader.

I am a baker.

I am a crafter.

I am a lover of children.

I am persistent and consistent.

I am a history buff, or like to think so.

I am a sports fan.

I am a listener.

I am a Sinatra-Buble’ kinda girl.

I am a do’er not a sitter.

I am a guide.

I am a now and not later.

I am a mother.

I am a teacher.

I am Ashley Lloyd

Halloween and Inbetween!

2010-11-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

Start off with some Halloween Pictures! The boys were Batman and Robin and we went trick or treating with one of our coolest 3 year old friends, Ethan Howard, "I'm Leonardo, THANK YOU!"

Then Mommy and Daddy had some "adult" fun and went as "Walmartians" :)

the boys helping pick out the pumpkins! They were so excited! :)

and now... Ill be doing a lot of this....

I have an obsession with Pumpkin ANYTHING! Tis' the season!!

GRATEFULS....

1. My wonderful husband and loving boys.

2. For my "Intro to ELL" class being OVER! so tough, but its done! Now time to focus on my other classes as they wind down.

3. Amazing family and friends, YOU GUYS ROCK!

Lesson:

This video is amazing, I posted it to Facebook and Twitter, but it is truly inspiring, remember these boys are in high school, yet are more mature than a lot of adults in this world.

Two Cleveland Wrestlers Successful Struggle

a whole month!

2010-10-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

A whole month!
I cant even believe its been exactly a month since I have updated!! So much for daily gratefuls!
Well. What can I say?!?! My new job has had me on my feet, THANK GOD!, and Im pretty sure my brain hasn't turned off since my last post. My 5th class started on the 20th of September... and my class that has been kicking my butt is coming near to its end. I couldnt be happier! This class has been something else! Good, but just oobles more than one should have to have on top of 12 other credits!
Haven't looked at my last post, but Im pretty sure I want saying how grateful I was to have my husband! Well, I echo that 1000 fold! He has been so strong and needs some serious RnR for himself. Tough being a single caregiver, kudos to you single parents out there!!

Sunday was the walk for the cure. Trekkin for Tata's! www.trekkinfortatas.com or www.diaryofamadwhitecancerpatient.com Patti's Blog. Read it! She has had an amazing past couple weeks. Can I say coin toss for the Cards Saints game?!!??! What what? OH and meeting Fitz! AAhhhh!!

My boys, they are getting so big!! Ben is going on the potty randomly, just wish I could be as diligent as I was with Mason and we would be diaperless in no time! FOREVER!!!
Mason, my man is writing his name!!! writing it!

Well, there are some tidbits, Im not even going to lie and say Ill update soon, WHO KNOWS! Its October and my schedule usually never stops until April.
Ill be sure to update on Halloween fun!!

Let me mention the AMAZING ladies at WMG. I can't begin to say how "at home" I feel.

9.13.10

2010-09-13T22:11:00.000-07:00

Recap!!

Okay. Started new job today. LOVE the change. Have some questions, but still grasping on who to direct them to.

School, Getting tough, but I have AMAZING support.

ME - walked around the MCC Dobson campus for 15 minutes in the dark looking for the rental. Yeah. That was not fun and I may have panicked inside, a little, okay a lot.

Gratefuls
1. Some great people at the new place, some overly heart warming, some not so much.. BUT everyone is different.

2. Cash to get my self some food on this long long long Monday.

3. Thankful for my husband x 1000000 this morning. The jeep wouldn't start (first day at new job, taking jeep into the dealership for repairs, did I mention first day at new job?) He was there to charge up the battery for me, THANK GOODNESS! He is one great kid I tell ya.

4. Oh and another shout out to my Father in Law switching my tire because my husband was under the weather! Thanks grumpa.

Lesson:
Sometimes when you are just worn out, you wonder why you signed up for whatever task you took on, then you get home find your oldest boy in bed with a picture of you and him, fast asleep, and checking what he did at school today and his name scrawled across the top. We worked on his name last night, although at the time I didn't think he was really taking anything in, he surely was because he did his "A" and precisely the way I explained. Love.

9.9.10

2010-09-10T09:47:00.001-07:00

gratefuls:
1. astronomy class being so laid back.
2. finally getting a good grasp on assignments for EDU220
3. feeling well so i can take care of my 2 undertheweather boys. hubs and bb.

lesson: instead of saying "this is so dumb" i had to clear my head to really be able to take in the guidelines for my weekly assignments in EDU220. sometimes you just gotta let go.

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9.8.10

2010-09-08T22:21:00.001-07:00

gratefuls:
1. For having caregiver that cares about Masons education as if he was he son. Thank you Diane for all your help with this transition and limbo!
2. Sterling for having such a big heart. I dont think you realize just how much patience you have. To infinity.
3. Granny for the gift certificate to Pottery Barn Kids! Used it a little unconventionally, but scored some really adorable books. "Scrambled States of America" "The Rule About Little Brothers" "Do Unto Otters: Book about manners." LOVE THEM!

Lesson:
Along political lines. Just because you are allowed to do something underlaw... still doesnt make it morally acceptable.
Mosque at GroundZero - Constitutional right. If they wanted to spread pbeace why wouldnt they just pull back after the broken hearts show they are still wounded.
Pastor burning the Koran on 9/11 - Constitutional right. Should he? its ugly. A peaceful religional should not desecrate someone elses holy book because they disagree. Jesus wouldnt have allowed it. What is this dude thinking?

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Girls Night In?

2010-09-08T13:41:00.001-07:00

My cousin said it "Goodbye life, Hello homework"

That got me thinking...
Me -Mom with two kids
Her -Freshman in college. All of 18.

Two different walks of life.
i see this a golden opportunity to learn from eachother. WE may not have the same major and may not be taking the same classes... but homework is homework. We all have different ways of explaining things. So what if we got a study group together for homework time. Need someone to look over something you've written or a math problem that seems like a mess...
who wants to try it out?
Im thinnking a friday night after the kids are in their dreamstate, for those moms who are interested, meeting somewhere... and trying it out.
any takers?

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9.7.10

2010-09-07T09:54:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
1. My 3 gratefuls… how I love you three, so lucky to have you in my life.
2. Getting to work safely today.
3. No scorpions in 24 hrs!

Lesson:

Friends, when you find that you feel like you have lost touch. Sit back and remember, even though you haven’t heard from them. Ask yourself why you haven’t reached out. And if you have, remember, they are just as busy as you feel you are. It’s the little notes, like the little gem to follow, that keep the friendship genuine.
“I love reading your blog. You are always so happy, positive, and grateful for every single thing life gives you. You are a wonderful person Ash and I am so glad to have you in my life” – Courtney

9.6.10

2010-09-06T22:01:00.001-07:00

gratefuls:

1. weekend full of family and food :-)
2. health3. strong bug killer spray! Stay away scorpions stay away!Lesson:Instead of being bored, muster up this extra time and do things you ways find yourself saying "I never have time"

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Cottonball

2010-09-06T12:50:00.001-07:00

noticed mason was doing canonballs into the pool, told him what his "trick" was called, clearly lost in translation. silly kid.

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9.5.10

2010-09-05T23:15:00.001-07:00

slacking on the gratefuls, but far from lacking reasons to be.

1. financial help for school, so I can keep me head in my studies. Thank you!

2. it being sunday and having another full day tomorrow with the family :-)

3. New sweet phone! still learning all the quirks, but downloaded this great app so I can keep up on my gratefuls!

Lesson:
It amazes me sometimes on how relevant a sermon could be at any given time. This morning was a great example. If you have seen previous posts, I was at a cross road and was struggling with the decision. I literally said "if tuition is free, than that is clearly God telling me what to do." For the record, getting a job at a preschool and having a discount, just a discount, is unheard of. In making that statement, I truly was reaching for the stars. The stars are what I got. Sermon was about weeding out the desires from The Whisper. Sometimes it is hard for us to turn off all the noise and just listen. He surely got my attention.

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You'll know, You'll just know

2010-08-31T07:35:00.001-07:00

I never really understood how you would know when God would show you where you should go. My SIL Kerrin said, “let God guide you” My uncle said “Oh you’ll know his plans, you’ll know”. Not to mention the other amazing people in my life helping me clear my mind, looking at monetary, physical and emotion aspects of changing jobs and taking on my full plate of classes.

Two double whammies in two days.

First day, the school offered me a generous hourly wage, and in childcare you lucky if you get 8/hr. I was floored when she offered me above that. It would still be a significant pay cut to what I am making now, but I would love my job and be making a difference in the little ones lives. Money almost always out trumps desires. I still had one heavy burden that I needed to work out. Child Care costs for my boys. And not only that, Child Care where THEY were actually learning as well.

The school does not have opening for them right now, but as soon as they open, WHAMMY goes the next miracle. Full tuition for the boys WAIVED!

My heart fell to the floor, I want to run out of this building wailing my arms and sobbing with happy tears.

I can do that on my first day. Wailing my arms with the kids, they will love it!

God is good.

*side note - I must include that last night I told Sterling that it would be a true sign from God if it was free child care. - Wallah!

8.22.10

2010-08-22T21:17:00.001-07:00

Gratefuls

1. Amazing people. Past and present.
2. Family - never fail to know what to say.
3. Classes tomorrow!!!

Lesson: I've started this reading plan from my app on my phone. Taking me through different books of the bible. This is my second week and I'm in Matthew. This is an amazing book! I've been tweeting and sharing via facebook verses the past couple nights. Most are what I try to live by. So expect a lot of verses to come through, unless a bigger lesson is learned :)
Matthew 7
13 "Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. 14 Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

8.18.10

2010-08-18T16:32:00.001-07:00

So much to be grateful, start my post back with more than I alotted myself :)

First off, thankful for the chance to go back to school! Hoping financial aid with help me with the money part (I hate it!) So I can take care of the education part and start my career as a teacher! I have been carrying a folder of all my information for school with me since I was given in saturday from Jocelyn Gibson. Its for the Mary Lou Fulton Teaching College at ASU. It has the fast track plan she put together for me. On her time. So grateful! If all goes well, I will be part of the graduating class (fall) 2012. This is going to be hard work, really hard work. But I have the drive, passion, commitment and support to get through this on the up side. Back to the folder, on the front it reads "Leadership in making a difference." How perfect is that for teaching? Makes me smile when I see it.

My husband, he is all in with this decision, he knows that he will be taking a larger role at home, covering for my classes and homework, he too has hard work ahead of him. He is all in, just as I am with school. So thankful that he is willing to sacrifice for the bigger picture, our bigger picture.

Opportunities. I have an interview with the bank for a Part Time teller position next thursday. I really want this for all reasons BUT finanical ones. Ill be cutting hours, cutting pay., but increasing time at home with my boys and for my school work. These balance it out for me and make me want it more than anything right now. But sadly, money is what makes the world go round, and what balances it for me, won't pay our bills, I'm praying on this and the decision I hopefully need to make.

My mom. Stepping up to the Monday challenge! Getting back to school means night classes for me. Monday will be
especially strenuous. Getting back into the busy season with Sterlings job, means later hours for him. Monday I will be in school from 425 to 950. My mom has offered to pick the boys up from school and keep them until Sterling is off of work. Now the trick is to find help on tuesdays and thursdays when my class will begin at 545 and possibility of Sterling working late. Oh don't worry eager family! You will be getting an email with this plee once my school is totally finalized and paid for! :)

For the miracle that is babies! My sister from another mother (and father:) ) had her sweet little hayden 8 weeks early. By the grace of God, Hayden is healthy and breaking all statistics! If she continues to progress the way she is, she'll be headed home almost 2 weeks earlier than she was due! She is so stinkin adorable. Strong just like her mommy.

Papa and Gigi. For putting together a beautiful ceremony for my sister and Angel in 2 days. Well it was all Gigi but Papa was there in more ways than one.

Next in line!
Have a blessed day!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Oh Haaaaaayyy...

2010-08-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

Um hi.
I have absolutely no idea where to begin, this is often where I find myself wanting to blog about it, but then get irritated because of the overwhelming feeling I get of sharing EVERTHING that I want to. So I list, with some detail.

I'm going back to school!!!! - as long as my grant money makes it and I can find a way to pay for this semester, its on like donkey kong. Ill be starting at ASU after I finish this fall and winter! THEN teaching I will, by school year 2013!
My sister got married last night. Her hubbs is going into the Army and they wanted to get all the married bennies from the military and since they have a baby, what they hey! Oh and she might love him or something of the sort. :)
Look for a good paying part time job. Want to stay with the bank, they have child care reimbursement and that is great! But I am also exploring the thought of Starbucks! They have great benefits even for part timers (I'd want early mornings and 30 hrs a week!) I need to get away from the Data Entry, sit at my desk all day, job so I will not have the hatred I have for the computer at home. Staring at it for 9 plus hours a day 5 days a week, makes me nauseous! Plus everyone at Starbucks is always cheery, even at 5am! I can be that!
Run across some really amazing people lately. Lucky me!
Mason keeps asking for his friend "JoJo" from Oregon, but he may have been replaced by a girl named "Kota" who he met at Chelsey's wedding. . . Oh how innocent.
Popcornopolis is amazing. Every time. They get us at Costco. Every time.

There is clearly more meat to all of these, maybe I can expand later. If not, catch ya tomorrow, beginning my gratefuls again!

Crabbin

2010-08-08T14:20:00.000-07:00

We got a chance to go on small boat and pull up some crab pots, certainly no Deadliest Catch here, but it was really fun and educational! Did you know they can only keep male crabs? They throw all the females back!

Shootin Time

2010-08-08T14:13:00.000-07:00

Personally, I am not a fan of guns. The power from them just freaks me out. I shot 3 times and I was done.
When I pulled the trigger, I tried to keep my eyes open, but just couldn't! No thanks, But I do want to take some small firearm classes to have under my belt, God forbid I ever need to use them. Knowledge is power.

in this picture you can see the shell flying out of the cartridge.

Mr. Lloyd - a natural.

Mason hangin out the window because it was loud, but he wanted to watch :)

Choo Choo

2010-08-08T14:07:00.000-07:00

While in Oregon, We took a ride on an old time steam powered train.

This was was permanently parked.

It took us along the pacific coast to Rockaway Beach, OR.
Mason's fear of loud noise was tested, but he broke out of it, and enjoyed the ride with us! Beautiful!

Took a break before heading back and played on the beach.

The boys first time.

The Scene

2010-08-02T16:05:00.000-07:00

Oregon in nutshell… Green Green Green.

Stuff in stories I tell ya. Myths here in Arizona.

We think flagstaff is green, but nothing campared the Tillamook County.

I have dreams about our home in Mooresville, and sometimes feel like I made them up because its been so long. This place reminded me a ton of North Carolina and the Smokey Mountains. These should be called the Smokey Mountains.

We stayed on a quaint little farm on the Jacobs property most of the time. There was a camp fire that roared 24/7 all week long. Fishing and animals! Benjamin LOVED the cows, every time we drove by a pasture, he’d wave his hand and say “hi, hi, hi” in the sweetest little voice and giggle to himself. Mason conquered his fear of horses by petting one! The boys went to a local petting zoo and saw those animals. I’ll have to get the pictures from their papa.

The beaches were foggy and mysterious looking. The high all week was about 68 degrees, so needless to say, the only people in the ocean were children, who seem to have no care about the temperature of the water or their wet clothing.

We went to see the Octupus tree, recommened by Lauren Jacob, and it was so neat.

On the same path there was an old lighthouse.

The fog was super thick and I got some amazing pictures that, dare I say, were very “Forks” like… 

I also captured a picture of what I SWEAR was the exact same rock that Ariel perched herself in the Little Mermaid.

The Jacobs built their home with their own hands, and it was stunning, along with the stunning view below from their cabin like home nestled in the mountain. I can’t believe that I didn’t take a picture of it, but I did get one of their barn.

AIRPLANE!

2010-08-02T10:44:00.001-07:00

I was so so so very nervous of Mason's first flight.

I was afraid it was going to be the first fright or 2 in a week. I got a lot of positive feedback from those I expressed my concerns to about this issue, and it eased my thoughts slightly. We arrived to the airport, everything went perfect! Mason was stoked to get to fly in a plane, our flight was on time, and we had no turbulence what-so-ever. Mason played his new Vtech game while Ben was ancy in Sterling lap. It was a total relief!

Me on the other hand, dislike flying, I am claustrophobic and get all hot and ancy myself. I toke some Dramamine and it helped to calm my nerves, but I was oh so glad to be on the ground and to exit the plane.With such a great experience the first time, of course comes the hard part.

Leaving Vacation.

Arriving to the Portland airport, we see that our plane is 30 minutes behind. No biggie. Come to 20 minutes before departure and they tell us that they are doing a plane swap and we won't be leaving for another additional hour and thirty minutes. Imagine us with a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old waiting in the airport longer than liked, to sit on a plane for almost 3 hrs… we had to get creative. I let Benjamin flirt with some high school girls and Mason was glued to his video game! Hey at least its educational with Buzz and Woody along to play! It worked. Went smoothly with a couple of "Can we get on the plane yet?" from Mason and Benjamin trying to press the associates computer keys. They were well behaved. Walked in our door about 1215ish and were so happy to be back on our pillow top again. Boys as well.

7.22.10

2010-07-23T15:21:00.000-07:00

Gratefuls
1. for inspiration for my newest project
2. hubs making dinner while I put it together
3. for going to bed early!

lesson:
Amanda posted this, and it touched me deeply.
Simple words...
"Good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

7.21.10 learned and known

2010-07-21T16:39:00.001-07:00

Grateful for...
1. Vacation being less than 72 hrs away!
2. The weather today... Love it.
3. Comedy that comes with being at the MVD....

Lesson:
will be a long one today. Since I'm sitting here and have no where to go...
Curious as to why I am better at lists written on paper and not on my smartphone....
Here is a list of things that I've either learned, have known, or am coming to accept about myself... I'd do a positive vs negative, but some of these could be either/or or be both. You decided, they are just me.

I am...
Quick to trust
Quick to connect
Quick to forgive
Slow at letting go
Quick to look for change
Slow at doing the laundry
jealous at times
Appreciate the small things
Home body

Mimi sent this to me today... Words of wisdom

"Reading this is a magazine "love yourself. focus on the positives of my figure like how strong my legs are& how they've carried Me across so many finish lines"
Amen sista
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

7.20.10

2010-07-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

Never too late.

Grateful for...
1. Dads advice on calling to see if there were any cancellations on the only direct flights to OR. Got a new flight! Now we only have a 2.5 hr flight, instead of the connecting, and Mason will join us!
2. Not stepping on that Scorpion I found in the kitchen last night. Freeeaaky. I've seen a scorpion take down a 6 yr old for 2 days, glad that my boys didn't find it first.
3. My 3 blessings...

Lesson:
Don't sweat the small stuff, it may be causing you more stress than you need. Eliminate the stress by contentment with things that will never change or move no matter how hard you try. Somethings just don't take well to adversity.

7.19.10

2010-07-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

Grateful for...

1. Full tank of gas.

2. Beautiful Necklace my mom gave me this weekend. It had one of my first lesson/quote on it "Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever"

3. Papa taking Mason up to Oregon in the car, instead of stressing about the the connecting flight, and Mason having a panic attack and us being stranded in Oakland.

Lesson:

Never stand begging for that which you have the power to earn. -Miguel de Cervantes

7.18.10

2010-07-18T22:12:00.000-07:00

grateful for...
1. Getting ALL laundry done this weekend without it being all consuming.
2. Air conditioning working full force and at 100%.
3. Hearing my boys say their bedtime prayer. So adorable.

Lesson...
Its easier to get things done when I removed the negative from the action. I.E. Putting laundry away as soon as it is finished so it will not be there for me to later, find, get frustrated, and it end up in a corner, or on a dresser, to never get folded or hung.

7.17.10

2010-07-18T20:15:00.001-07:00

Day late... but still things to be grateful for on this day.

1. Day with the family Celebrating Phenix's 3rd bday!

2. Taking a nice nap in the afternoon

3. Dinner with Mom and My Three Blessings.

Lesson:

Watched the movie "remember me". I give it 3 stars, not bad, but not WOW. But I took the main quote that was said in the beginning and in the end as a lesson...

"Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant. But it's very important that you do it."

Ask anyone around, You may feel that some things you do are insignificant, but it may mean the world to the person you are helping...

7.16.10

2010-07-16T23:10:00.001-07:00

Grateful for...

1. Having the great company of Gavin and Natalie for a fun slumber party :)

2. to have been able to cuddle with the hubster before he left for work this morning

3. A great "healthy" baby visit for Benjamin! Doc says he's looks great and is in the 90th percentile for his height... Ol' Brut.

Learned today that...

Things are always changing around us, and it only hinders possibility when we dwell on the negatives.

Good Night!

7.15.10

2010-07-15T21:33:00.000-07:00

Grateful for...

1. being able to sign Mason up for school, even though its only 2 days a week, he will still have more resources to help expand his imagination and mind.

2. Tomorrow is Friday!

3. Being able to enjoy a session of Yoga with my mom every Thursday night :)

Today I learned...

That even though some things seem out of reach, it you look at the reason before the financing, it seems like a no brainer, we can only afford to have Mason going to school 2 days out of the week and are still stretching our budget. We are determined to give him good ground work for the rest of his educational life. Education will become his (and our) first priority. No matter the price.

7.14.10

2010-07-14T12:49:00.000-07:00

Systems down at work. Perfect time to reflect!

I am grateful that...

1. all this overtime is permitting me not to use up personal time for BB's well visit friday morning.

2. I have a fall back for when I work late. Daddy, most of the time, can get them.

3. Vacation to Oregon is only 9 days away! Getttingg ancy!

Lesson:
This morning, I woke up at 415 to get myself into the gym. After contemplating going back to sleep since I did pilates/yoga night before, I stuck through and made it in. Had a great 30 min cardio session, and felt great after. Determination is key. If you want it bad enough you'll make it happen!

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar

Mason was determined to get this puzzle done, and he did. :)

7.13.10

2010-07-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

An early lesson learned.

Grateful:

1. For yoga, for a mind clearing and level head in the morning.
2. Cracked Doors in the avenue of possibilities.
3. Sunflower Seeds to munch on when my mouth is bored is bored at work.

Lesson:
While getting ready this morning, it seemed like BB was having a bad dream, so I went in there and just light brushed back his hair a few times, and as soon as my hand touched him, he calmed. Went back to getting ready, and he started fussing again, I repeated, and he calmed.

Knowing that my touch is calming to my kids, lets me know that no matter what, I am a sense of refuge for him, conscious or not.

"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. " ~Author Unknown

7.12.10

2010-07-12T12:29:00.000-07:00

1. Triple Blessings

2. Family - you may not hear from them all, but I know they are there.

3. Not taking a nap yesterday, and getting the apartment clean!

Lesson:

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood" - Stephen Covey.

On this day...

2010-07-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to really take in the possibilities of possibilities!

Today I am going to pledge to take a 5 minutes out of my day to share 3 things I am grateful for, and 1 thing that I have learned. We all know we learn something new everyday, and we all certainly have plenty of thing to be grateful.

I am making rules for my own pledge because I have givens that I am grateful for. My husband. My Mason. My Benjamin. So I can only combine them into one.. As my Triple Blessings. And I can only use "a grateful" 1 time in a week. Once 6 days has past since the grateful, its fair game.

Often times it takes a catastrophe for someone to look back and be thankful. This will come in handy when I have a low day, and I can go back and review all the true blessings that have come my way.

Compromise

2010-07-07T09:02:00.001-07:00

So yesterday, I let my adrenaline get to me. I started spouting off when I shouldn't have. There are certain triggers that seem to get me going, and I needed to take matters into my own hands. I apologize if anything hurtful came from it, that is certainly not my intention. In current times, it may seems selfish to others, but it is only allowing myself to heal. I hate that it has come down to this, and I hope that there will be another winding path that brings us together, inside of drive my emotions into the ground. I feel like if this will ever happen, I need to come to some reconciliation with myself. You know how they say for every year your were with someone, the healing from the breakup takes 6 months to each year. I think this also applies to deep friendships, that are no longer on the same path. There is never lost love, just frustration on both sides, I'm sure. All I am really trying to say is, I am needing to do the selfish thing in the now, in order to be okay in the future. I love you and I'm sure you know who you are. I don't expect a response, but know that when we are face to face. I will still show you respect, in that I care, and want us to have an understanding. I hope you understand, and if not now, in the future.

Master at all

2010-07-01T11:49:00.000-07:00

I often find my myself envy of others gifts. IE picture taking, the way the dress (not actual clothes, but how they put the outfit together), even something as simple as writing.

Last night we were watching America's Got Talent and this older Asian man was literally a one man band. They passed him through, but he sounded like a big ol mess. The fact the it takes him 3 hrs to put together his instrument just blew the judges away, he was super sweet. I got to thinking about the mess that was his band. I want to be a master at one thing. Do it well. But I enjoy a lot of things.... just never find time to do it. I really enjoy crafts and learning new things to bake. I want to get into some interior design and start a blog for Mason's random pictures. But I get home, and play with boys because I haven't seen them all day. They are what I want to be good at. They are what I want to master. Being there, being their mommy. But I also need something to identify me. I see flora delis, and see my Aunt Barb, I see Country Crafts and I see my grandma, and I see runners world and see My mom, I see sales and I see Patti. Is there anything that you see, and you see me?

This post began as something completely different but ended in an open ended question that may not even be answered. Curiosity wont kill this cat. Failure is in my dictionary, but never holds me back from trying something new.

Even now I feel like it sounds like a mess. Just because I dont indentify with something, doesnt mean that I am unhappy. I want to transfer my happiness into something for me. From me. Unselfishly.

Totally Wired LLC

2010-06-29T09:14:00.000-07:00

Sterling is officially a small business owner. Im so excited for him because this is such a huge deal. He is very independent and an amazingly hard worker. Now we just need to start getting clients, who can in turn, give out referrals!

www.totallywiredaz.com

Analysis by an Arizona State Senator

2010-05-05T10:29:00.001-07:00

I'm Arizona State Senator Sylvia Allen. I want to explain SB 1070 which I
voted for and was just signed by Governor Jan Brewer.
Rancher Rob Krantz was murdered by the drug cartel on his ranch a month ago.
I participated in a senate hearing two weeks ago on the border violence,
here is just some of the highlights from those who testified.

The people who live within 60 to 80 miles of the Arizona/Mexico Border have
for years been terrorized and have pleaded for help to stop the daily
invasion of humans who cross their property . One Rancher testified that 300
to 1200 people a DAY come across his ranch vandalizing his property,
stealing his vehicles and property, cutting down his fences, and leaving
trash. In the last two years he has found 17 dead bodies and two Koran
bibles.

Another rancher testified that daily drugs are brought across his ranch in a
military operation. A point man with a machine gun goes in front, 1/2 mile
behind are the guards fully armed, 1/2 mile behind them are the drugs,
behind the drugs 1/2 mile are more guards. These people are violent and they
will kill anyone who gets in the way. This was not the only rancher we heard
that day that talked about the drug trains.

One man told of two illegal's who came upon his property one shot in the
back and the other in the arm by the drug runners who had forced them to
carry the drugs and then shot them. Daily they listen to gun fire during the
night it is not safe to leave his family alone on the ranch and they can't
leave the ranch for fear of nothing being left when they come back.

The border patrol is not on the border. They have set up 60 miles away with
check points that do nothing to stop the invasion. They are not allowed to
use force in stopping anyone who is entering. They run around chasing them,
if they get their hands on them then they can take them back across the
border.

Federal prisons have over 35% illegal's and 20% of Arizona prisons are
filled with illegal's. In the last few years 80% of our law enforcement that
have been killed or wounded have been by an illegal.

The majority of people coming now are people we need to be worried about.
The ranchers told us that they have seen a change in the people coming they
are not just those who are looking for work and a better life.

The Federal Government has refused for years to do anything to help the
border states. We have been over run and once they are here we have the
burden of funding state services that they use. Education cost have been
over a billion dollars. The healthcare cost billions of dollars. Our State
is broke, $3.5 billion deficit and we have many serious decisions to make.
One is that we do not have the money to care for any who are not here
legally. It has to stop.
The border can be secured. We have the technology we have the ability to
stop this invasion. We must know who is coming and they must come in an
organized manner legally so that we can assimilate them into our population
and protect the sovereignty of our country. We are a nation of laws. We have
a responsibility to protect our citizens and to protect the integrity of our
country and the government which we live under.

I would give amnesty today to many, but here is the problem, we dare not do
this until the Border is secure. It will do no good to forgive them because
thousands will come behind them and we will be over run to the point that
there will no longer be the United States of America but a North American
Union of open borders. I ask you what form of government will we live under?
How long will it be before we will be just like Mexico, Canada or any of the
other Central American or South American countries? We have already lost our
language, everything must be printed in Spanish also. We have already lost
our history it is no longer taught in our schools. And we have lost our
borders.

The leftist media has distorted what SB 1070 will do. It is not going to set
up a Nazi Germany. Are you kidding. The ACLU and the leftist courts will do
everything to protect those who are here illegally, but it was an effort to
try and stop illegal's from setting up businesses, and employment, and
receiving state services and give the ability to local law enforcement when
there is probable cause like a traffic stop to determine if they are here
legally. Federal law is very clear if you are here on a visa you must have
your papers on you at all times. That is the law. In Arizona all you need to
show you are a legal citizen is a driver license, MVD identification card,
Native American Card, or a Military ID. This is what you need to vote, get a
hunting license, etc.. So nothing new has been added to this law. No one is
going to be stopped walking down the street etc... The Socialist who are in
power in DC are angry because we dare try and do something and that
something the Socialist wants us to do is just let them come. They want the
"Transformation" to continue.

Maybe it is too late to save America. Maybe we are not worthy of freedom
anymore. But as an elected official I must try to do what I can to protect
our Constitutional Republic. Living in America is not a right just because
you can walk across the border. Being an American is a responsibility and it
comes by respecting and upholding the Constitution the law of our land which
says what you must do to be a citizen of this country. Freedom is not free.

Politically Purple

2010-04-29T13:34:00.001-07:00

A while back I took a little survey online that rated what party I belonged to based on my beliefs and stance on hot topics. I landed dead smack in the middle, and they labeled me "Conservative Liberal". It is almost an oxy moron. Truth is, that is very me. I watch FOX news AND CNN. My stance on Gay Marriage is very liberal and ILLEGAL immigration is extremely conservative. I am not the judge, God (or whoever you believe in) has the gavel. I will not enforce my views on someone else in the political realm. When it comes to law, I will speak about the crimes committed as stated in the book. Last time I checked:

il·le·gal 1.forbidden by law or statute.

If you know anything about me, I am far from judgemental, as long as you are a good person, and strive to do good for others. If you are a productive citizen in society, I had no issue with you. The person is who is living here illegally may be a wonderful, kind hearted person, and again, I have no issues with you as a person, its the broken law that is the problem. I am in no means perfect, but I respect authority, and I am thankful for them attempting to keep our community safe. Like a bumper sticker I saw says "Thank a Cop" and you should. America is the land of the free and home of the brave, not home of the handouts. You work hard like our founding fathers, and you will reap the benefits.

I thought about adding statistics to this post but don't want to spend the entire post talking about these. So click on the following link if you interested. They are astounding. SB 1070 is ironically just an enforcement bill... it states what is already law and PROHIBITS racial profiling, it is ILLEGAL for them to pull you over because of the color of you skin. period. Your Drivers License shows that your a citizen. Don't break the law and you have nothing to worry about.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/bloggers/1738432/posts

There are two shows that have come out this springs, and I love them!!

Parenthood on NBC is great. They mix honest to goodness real life situations with some comedy. It follows 4 siblings and they journeys through parenting. All 4 have completely different situations and treat each parenting road block differently. Being a parent sometimes can be a catch-22 and will make you a hypocrite at times, and in these times you have to be tough on your stance, and they show the trails that they go through during these episodes. Next show is Modern Family on ABC, PURE comedy, I don't even know how to explain the shows premise, but they are s dysfunctional family, making fun of different family issues. Classic. I definitely recommended these two shows, because you will find that you can relate, and in turn laugh at yourself.

Dental date from hell. Oh my, this is what I get for not seeing the dentist in over 7 years! I had a four o clock appointment to get 3 fillings and a cleaning. Little did I know, that 3 hours later, my entire right side of my face would be entirely numb, including my eye lid! It was by no means comfortable and I can barely chew this morning. Round 2 is next Wednesday and I am NOT looking forward to it. Maybe next time I will tell them that I need to sit up after they give me the numbing meds so it doesn't run down my face internally and number me entirely again! No fun.

We will soon be firing the workers in the baby factory. Sterling met with the family doctor yesterday, and got the ok and referral to the doc to get a vasectomy. Directly after Benjamin, we had a rough go around and said we would wait until Mason was in school to try for a girl. The more and more we thought about it, we feel like having a third child is just not for us. I want my boys to have the most fulfilling childhood they can. Shooting 50/50 for a girl and having another boy are just not worth us attempting to have another. So... he is making his appointment, and I am excited to turn the page.

This week has been pretty hectic and I have been doing half hour lunches at work. This sucks because I have been working out on my breaks and 30 minutes and just not enough time. Today, I finally got to run on my lunch and it was glorious. Its so strange how I feel like my body is changing, but feel bad about it. Body image is such a funny thing, you either good or miserable. I am hovering around 10 lbs more than my comfort weight. My clothes are fitting different and they aren't tight, and they aren't loose, just different. Very strange. But FYI, after my run, Today is a good day! :)

Last but not least, moving, or time at my moms is rounding 3rd base and were are needing to find home. Its so tough when you have a budget that you are setting yourself up so you can continue to save money and live comfortably. Most places that I am interested in are in our price range but we would be saving less than I'd like, but on the other hand the ones that fit my ideal savings plan are not in an okay place to raise my kids. Tough, but we will find one. Takin time.

Thanks for reading! Until next time, have a great day!

Salt and Pepper

2010-04-21T14:24:00.001-07:00

Oh the times.

I am finally taking a second to clear my head of the ramblings that are my thoughts.

I currently have myself on a "training" regiment for running. About three weeks ago. I finally ran a mile without stopping or slowing. It may seem insignificant to the average runner, but this is a big deal! I can honestly say that I had never done that in my entire life, even as a kid, running just was not my thing. I have flat feet, so just the thought of running made my feet throb. I bought a pair of tennies made specifically to help support my non arched feet, and off I went. There is still a little discomfort, but miles better than before. I'm currently at 2 miles steady and will up the anty once that because easier. It has become such a great work out for me, so satisfying knowing that I am doing things with my body I never imagined would be possible.

Chelsey is due next month. The doctor told her to be on alert because little miss might just come early. Of course, being my sister, I hope the best, and will kidnap the little lady often.

We are nearing the end of our stay with my mom, and I'm sure it will be bitter sweet. She is such a huge help and the boys, especially Benjamin, are so attached to her. We have accomplish most of our financial goals in this time period, and are so grateful that we have had this opportunity. It came to us as a devastating blow, and to move back into a parents home, is pretty tough when you are as independent and prideful as Sterling and I are. We couldn't even begin to show the gratitude deserved. All of our parents have helped us out in more ways then one, financially and physically, we will find a way to repay all of you, in due time. Now we are starting our hunt for a home that we can call ours. With Sterling's self employment, we are unable to receive a loan only on my income. But we are looking for a rent to own or lease option, so we can have a "permanent" residence and stop the vicious cycle of moving.

The work environment has exceed expectations. We got a new supervisor, and he is completely opposite of the previous. He seems to get us as a team, and does a really good job understanding personal issues that any individual has. His whole demeanor is friendly and not hierarchy. This obviously makes it easier to handle when the days are long and irritating.

Sterling started a business for his home wiring business, Totally Wired LLC. This is a huge thing for him, especially in the slow season of work at Mediacom. If you, anyone you know, need any cable, internet, phone wiring done or relocated let us know! He's your man!

Mason is so excited for summer, I can't get him to wait! He keeps asking when we can go swimming... and I am waiting until a couple 100 degree days, so the pool is not ice cold. Oh the joys of being a kid, and not caring about the temperature of the water. He has also started a nightly prayer, and is so cute when he repeats it. It just makes me all giggly inside.

There are so many things to come. Its only looking up from here.

fly balls and home runs

2010-03-02T09:40:00.000-08:00

I'm going to get the negative out first, always feels better when I end on a high note.

On the job front, I'm still pulling out my hair, and desperately trying to get into a position where I can at least tolerate the mundane. I thought I had a great opportunity in a branch, but after my interview yesterday, that went down the drain. Interviewer said that I was obviously qualified for the coaching aspect, and obviously a great employee, but I did not have enough managerial experience with goal based operations. Yea, Yea. Its getting very disheartening when you know you have what it takes to step it up and others just look at the black and white.

Caught fly balls seem to be the theme for us at the moment. We got Sterling a work truck, spent an ungodly amount of money on it, and it took a crap on us. So we had to end up doing something we DID NOT have planned. At all.

My political side is getting larger and larger with what is going on in the government. My motto has always been, if you don't like what is going on in America... Take a hike. I'm starting to see the other side. Please tell me why those who were on unemployment, received unemployment benefits while unemployed, receive a 3500 dollar tax break? Tell me how this sounds right. Didn't we, the people, help them out WHILE they were unemployed? Why should they receive more? Its a sore subject because WE both lost our jobs, and I fought tooth and nail for where I am, I may complain, but I am thankful for the income. Sterling on the other hand, has bounced from job to job, to support his family, unable to receive benefits because he jumped at every job that was brought to him, even if it was not enough. I certainly, certainly, do not mind paying taxes, but I do get angry when they want to pull our Officers and Fighters when they should be the LAST to go, and stop painting mosaics on our freeways, no one cares about those, the mosaics do not keep our cities safe.

And the health care debate... Oh, the debate. Let me tell you from a non insured pregnant woman at time in need. This system DOES need to be looked at. I was unmarried, and pregnant with my first child, making 12/hr. According to the Government, I made TOO much to get help. I am now STILL stuck with $12000+ in medical bills, while other who took advantage of the system sit at home with their children and play with them. They need to audit the current peoples using it and then set the standards for those who actually NEED it, instead of RELYing on it.

Now the stresses of trying to find a decent roof for our boys, without sacrificing their safety. Talk about disheartening. We are even considering a 1 bedroom and were rejected at one apartments that would have been PERFECT. But they have a 3 to 1 policy. So they offered their 1 bedroom with a den, and of course its out of our "budget".

Breathe........"If he brings you to it, he will guide you through it"

Benjamin is one!

Mason is turning 3!!! what what???!!

I cant even believe the time.
We are talking about signing Mason up for soccer. He keeps asking, and I know he would love to play with some "friends". :)

There is a difference between complaining, and getting stuff off your chest.

With all those negatives above, there has been a lot of patting on the backs, and "we will get through this" talks. I thank God everyday for providing the backbone that is my husband, I can even begin to express how helpful and loving he is. He has a huge heart. I'm not one to boast about my love, but man, sometimes your just can't help but praise the one that is fighting right along side you. When I have the moments of pity me, he grabs my hand and walks through the rain with me. I know that when he repeated "In sickness and in health." This meant financially and physically. In these times of recognizing him, It makes it easier to excuse the smelly work clothes on the floor and the open cereal box from the morning before.

Since I have found a good new pair of shoes, I have regained my ambition to run. I have even sacrificed my lunch break, to take a run. I would love to take run outside, but again, run into wanting to hang out with my boys... and boys always win. Hands down. Ill deal with the treadmill, until I can get time to run, without interrupting my boy time.
We can groan, we can grumble, but you pick yourself back up, dust off your clothes, and get back in the fight. Those who are taking the easy road today, will see your hard work pay off later, and you'll be the one ahead.

2009 love letter

2009-12-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

this is my love letter to the year 2009
First and foremost...Thank you for being apart of my Benjamin's life. We will always look back to you, and remember his birth in the beginning of our journey.
You have brought me closer to some, and some I couldn't have imagined our friendship to grow as much as it has, with this said, I have also let go of some that I had trouble doing before. You gave me time to do this, and it was a healing process. This is in no way negative, only a way to move on.
You gave our family so tough times, but in these tough times, we have only grown closer and wiser. The things we have learned will be forever with us. 2009 has shaped us even more than we may realize, through trials and tribulations, we may have fallen physically, but have only risen mentally.

To be continued....

poop picasso

2009-12-11T09:07:00.000-08:00

I WALK INTO THE KIDS CLUB
ME "I'M LOOKING FOR MASON LLOYD"
LADY - LOOKING AROUND.... THEN TURNS TO ME "OH HE'S IN THE
BATHROOM... I JUST CHECKED ON HIM A SECOND AGO... I THINK HE IS GOING POOP"....
ME - WALK INTO THE BATHROOM, SEE MASON, PANTS DOWN POOP ON BUTT, THROWING AWAY TOILET TISSUE "OH MY GOSH, WHAT HAPPENED?"
MASON "I DON'T KNOW, I WENT POOP MOMMY"
ME "WHY IS THERE POOP SMEARED ALL OVER THE TOILET BOWL?"I LEAD HIM TO THE SINK TO WASH HIS HANDS...
MASON "MOMMY THE KIDS DID IT."
ME - WHILE ATTEMPTING TO CLEAR UP THE, MIND YOU, DRY POOP ON THE TOILET "WHAT KIDS DID IT?"
MASON - "THE GIRL DID IT"
ME - "WHAT GIRL, DO YOU MEAN THE LADY?"
MASON- "NO MOMMY, THE LITTLE GIRL"
ME - "WHAT LITTLE GIRL?"
MASON - "THE LITTLE GIRL."
HMMMMM... KIND OF CONFUSED BECAUSE THE POOP ON HIS BUTT WAS PRETTY DRY. HE HAD TO OF BEEN IN THERE FOR SOME TIME... AND WHY DIDNT HE HAVE POOP ALL OVER HIS HANDS WITH THE PAINTED ON POOP?
P.S. MASON IS NOT A FAN OF GETTING HIS HANDS DIRTY.
SOMETHINGS FISHY, ESPECIALLY SINCE THE LADY SAID SHE JUST CHECKED ON HIM. NO WAY DID SHE OVER LOOK THIS PICASSO OF POOP.

Wednesday the 9th

2009-12-09T20:11:00.000-08:00

Family first - ALWAYS
I cannot stress this enough.

Pride sometimes needs to take a backseat - actually most of the time.

judge - This is am not.

sheltered and defended - how much is too much to not allow you to grow?

Some people think that the unknown is scary, but the unknown has 9 times out of ten, already played out in someone else's life. But that mentality of "I'm different" sometimes causes pain.

Responsibility is sometimes overlooked

Kids being kids, shouldn't have to be aware of worldly and adult issues. Puts too much stress on them, more than some may realize.

The Lovely Bones
- leaving your children
- never know how I would react, pray that I never ever have to.
- I could say how I would want to react
- very graphic literature, stomach turning to me.
- wanted worse for Mr. Harvey, But very symbolic.

Tiger Woods story reiterates the "don't judge a book by its cover" saying. Double lives from the public eye.
- We only know what is being to in the public.
- Don't get married if you know your going to purposefully put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted.

Book Club - who would join? and actually participate??
- quite a few friends who seem to have similar taste in reads.

Diary and Journal keepers
- everything jumbled and a mess in thoughts
- very visual and verbal person - not textual
- envy those who can translate thoughts into words

5 people fired at work in the last week.

Cherish those who are there instead of dwelling on those who are absent.

We are the way we are for a reason- most likely for an abundant of reasons

Would love you bump into those who have disappeared from my life, most of then seemingly intentional and ask why? Do I smother and overwhelm to make it unbearable to be around?

***Buble in concert April 8th!! Tickets on sale Friday!!! ooooooweee...

Ashes New Moon Review

2009-11-20T15:24:00.000-08:00

Let me start off by saying this- New Moon was my least favorite book. With this said, I have to state why I was excited for the movie. The new directors background seemed to fit PERFECT for what this series needed. Chris Weitz lived up to my expectation (could have done with out the swirly twirly shots, makes me feel car sick). But He was a amazing addition to the franchise.

and don't worry- No spoilers here

First off- The movie was 10 trillion times better than twilight. I'm glad the actors are starting to age with the movie, and growing into the characters. Sorry friends, I have to state that I still, sadly enough, think they could have casted Bella better. Kristen Stewart just doesn't do it for me. I have to admit that he awkwardness is perfect for Bells, but the hair swiping and lip licking just is... is. Taylor did great, and is probably one of the best actors in the movie so far. You just feel his emotion and need to have Bella want him. ***note*** I feel all heeby geeby inside with I see his hard body... 17... I think I need to shower.... maybe if he was a few years older, I would feel so dirty. Rob, the way his voice is so lyrical, as the book describes, just makes you want to swoon.... and so will the last uttered words of the movie.

Second- This was my least favorite because of Bella's heartbreak and how long Stephanie took to portray it. I have been through devastation like this when I was all of 15. But when your young and you are infatuated with one person, its heartbreaking. That following summer, I tried to engulf myself in this one particular person, and ending up finding peace in talk shows and sugar free popsicles. For me life is too short to waste your time. You have to find peace in yourself before you can move forward with someone else. They DON'T complete you. You need to be complete all on your own. With my counseling session out of the way, and Eclipse on the brink, I will continue my struggle with Bella's wallowing, especially when it takes a whole book for her to get over the age issue. Edward is the real reason the keeps my passion for this series. Unconditional, non-sexual (strength for waiting), adoration he has for her.

Third- It was by the book, and to the T. This is how all movie based on books should be. They take the story and bring it to the screen. It was done beautifully. You will hear critics say things like: "the wolf packs shirts are ALWAYS missing" "Edward is awkward and those abs aren't real" "the movie was slow" "The movie desperately misses Catherine Hardwick" {impossible to me} "they attacked her over a paper cut and not from the gush of blood in twilight" etc... all of these are most likely from non readers... if not I apologize for categorizing you. And If you didn't read the book and liked it, I'd like to hear your thoughts, because once you have their future in their mind, there is no non bias. Melissa Rosenburg did a very good job making Jacob likable {and the no shirt did hurt either} because I loathed his teenage boy antics in the book.

If you have anything to add, I would LOVE to hear it! We can discuss!

This so called life...

2009-10-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

Is it a sign?? When you type out your thoughts and then its erased at the drop of a hat? It seems all too often that this happens. Does it mean that those thoughts are not meant for others or is does it mean that I need to show perseverance. Instead of the paragraphs that I HAD. I will now use bullets...

moving in with mom. A blessing in disguise.
Starting over. Together.
Mason - growing imagination
Benjamin - a mobile light of sunshine.
possible monetary and friendly job changes.
Sterling and I = Edward and Bella in my eyes.
^He makes me feel like Bella feels when Edward gives into Bella
Family = undying love that never falters (some need to learn this)
New Moon (see previous bullet) If Sterling understood, he'd stop poking fun.
craftiness: bracelets to cyber scrapbooking = therapy for soul
Small doses of larger issues.
Musical - Adele, Muse, Michael Buble, and soon to be Christmas music.
Halloween: Mason = Buzz Lightyear and Benjamin = Woody. Mommy = ?
My boys, all three. True blessings.

I would elaborate, but maybe it will just get deleted again. So I can expand the thought, if questioned. If not, it is what it is. These smiles, make a minimal defeat, meaningless.

Prescott 9/7/09

2009-09-12T07:23:00.000-07:00

woweewowow.
All I have time for is pictures!
Enjoy!

1000 red loft balloons

2009-07-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

At work I have comprised several short posts that I have wanted to continue at home and share. After going to the gym and spending the little time I have with my boys, you can imagine the dishaste I feel for the computer, after bring on it literally 8 hours, 5 days a week.

At some point I will use those "beginnings" and elaborate, but at this very second I cannot hold this particular subject in. To warn you, it may get you thinking.
I consider myself a believer. I believe in God and the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit as one). I often find times where when I feel like there is nothing left to do but wait, I remind myself that in due time, the reason for certain happenings come to the surface.

I am currently reading "The Shack" and if any of you have read it, you will probably understand most of my banterings in this particular post. If you have not, you should find a copy and thumb through it. I can honestly admit that there have been several instances where I want to stop what I am doing and share what this book brings to the table. I often find myself thinking "I completely agree... I knew that my relationship is the most important"

From what I have read in this book so far, it has been totally relevent to a current issue that is plagueing my sleep and free time. The question is... Who are you to decide what is right and wrong? If a path for you served to be the right one, but another is heading down your road, yet you feel it to be wrong for them? Deep inside you see this person's cituation is not like yours, although they may wish it to be as fulfilling as yours has proven to be. You see faulty in their thinking. Who am I to tell them they are making a mistake? As a parent, is there where we go wrong? Telling our children "you are making the biggest mistake of your life" or do we allow them to go down this road of hardship because this is what they chose?

Is this not what God gave us, when he granted us free will? When we are about to do something that is not in favor of us, yet we still feel we need to see the outcome? With all the pain and suffering in the world, does this give you humility or greed? You feel sorry for those who don't have all the physical things? Do you latch onto all the things you have "worked" for? Because in the end, nothing is truly and rightfully yours. Thats if you believe this. When life is made easier for you than most, why do some so easily let go of the important things in life. But then again, who am I to judge whats important and whats not? I am not the judge.

Often, I find myself, thinking about my decisions, and how I come across the right one. I find comfort in knowing that I do not compromise what I feel is right for me, and now my family. This is only because its for the greater good. Most risks that are taken, are truly careless, because if its not for the better of YOUR life and YOUR future, who is truly happy then?

I feel like there is one particular quality that I posessed in my teenage years, that most girls don't reach until later, and some others much later, in life. Its the confidence in myself. I dont NEED anyone to be happy. Thats not to say that I don't want my husband or my boys around. If they were gone, I'd be devistated. But it took me not NEEDING someone to love me to be truly and whole-y loved. If your not whole as a person, how can someone love you. You shouldn't feel the need to be loved by someone else to be complete.

When it all comes down to it. He loves you. Yes, God. Allah, Yesuah, etc... He has several names, but that higher power is bigger than you. Once you find that you are truly loved, and you should love yourself. You can truly be at peace.

::disclaimer:: what I have just said, does not mean there wont be hard times, because there will be many and plenty. But the love will get you through. 100% of the time.

f-friday

2009-06-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile, again, since I have posted and I am not really sure where I want to start. I'm sitting outside of my cafeteria at work and the wind is blowing like its trying to get away from something, and the air smells of moisture and dirt, aka arizona rain.
First thing I can really think of to update is that Mason is fully potty trained now! It took about two weeks in undies and a couple accidents. He also is known as the streaker at the gym day care. In the middle of the "trial" period, he requested to go to the bathroom... Went potty.... Then ran out of the bathroom.. Completely bottomless yelling "candy candy candy" (at the time we would give him a fruit snack as a treat for going potty)
Secondly- my moms house is complete and she has moved in. Its bitter sweet to have her not part of our everyday. We certainly do miss her extra hand, and car ;) oh and mostly her company.
Everyday I tell myself to go home to read a chapter of new moon again but I'm pretty involved with this book called "my sisters keeper". If it sounds familiar, it has been made into a movie, and comes out in a couple weeks.
I'm typing on my phone now since I took the job doing data entry. Leaving a computer is truly leaving work. If I touch the computer at home, its most likely to put or remove songs on my mp3 player, for work, so I don't lose my mind doing the mundane. I have had a breakdown about the current situation, but am starting to grasp my bearings. I really do feel like I am missing out on benji's baby time. He is already 5 months old! I can't even fathom where the time went. It is the middle of june people!
I have started really contecting with aquiantence, and really enjoy he thoughts and outlook. I have never really had a friend (other than family) that has been really true. Maybe once, but I feel like this friendship has a more fulfilling quality to it.I was an air force brat and so I don't really know what its like to have that friend you have known all your life. But I definitely like my new and current ones!
I am also really starting to discover my deep true feelings about trust and love and friendship. Long story short, I am not fond of my sisters choice of boy. She says she is in love and he is the one and yada yada. My marriage started from highschool. We started dating junior year. Difference between my sister and myself is that I have had my heart shattered before. During the healing process from that break up, I really found out what kind of person I wanted to be. I dibble and dabbled in other "lifestyles" and found where I was most comfortable and adequit for my goals. Before I started dating sterling, I was newly confident in myself and my life. I new where I wanted to be and what I was looking for. I let love find me. And boy am I lucky! My sister needs that she needs to love herself before she can truly love and be loved by someone else.
On another note, my stepmom has completed all of her treatments and does not have to see her oncologists for another 3 months. We hope this devil will stay clear of her body. With the drama unfolding with my sister, I feel like her and I have bonded on some levels. I never really understood some of the things that she would say or do. but now I feel like I have opened a new chapter and friendship with her that I may have otherwise dismissed because of misuderstandings. I truly thank God for that.
I have been working really hard to take my baby weight off and am finally starting to see and feel results! Hallelujah! I have also been taking a yoga class thursday nights for the past 3 weeks and I feel like it helping me stay on the right track, its amazing how can work up a sweat without cardio.
My friday today, started off with a bang... I forgot my lunch and my mp3 player (yes, still plugged into the computer from the night before) and when I get to work I realize that I have the jeep keys, which go to our only vehicle, and sterling couldn't get to work. I also have this ritual called coffee friday, and mcds was only accepting cash (how lame) - I then go to the "starbucks" at my work cafeteria and order a coffee there (4 dollars please) and it was the most vial thing ever consumed. So its 0 for 2 at the "starbucks" and I have now come to conclusion that its just the name on the menu and not the actual product. Out 4 dollars.
Tonight the hubster and I are going on a date for fathers day, and I know that special time spent with him will make any poop filled day-not as poopy :)

Have a good one and remember to tell you fathesr thank you for killing you when you were teenage girls with hormones raging and making stupid decisions.
K.thx.bye

no fear

2009-05-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

As I sit hear at lunch, I am reflecting on our weekend and future. As chelsey and jd are about to graduate, they have so much ahead of them, they may not quite realize the extent of it. Sterling is looking into this new job, that would be a great oppertunity for us. So we are crossing our fingers and thinking positively on this. Mason had a fun filled weekend in the water and amazes me with every new thing he accomplishes. With floaties on, he was able to swim "kick" around the pool with out any help. And Benji, 4 months old, and such a joy, all you have to do is look at hima nd he will flash you his one dimple grin that could melt your heart. Maybe ill update more later, its been a while, we will see....

on track

2009-04-28T21:20:00.000-07:00

I'm getting out of the shower and I text a girlfriend of mine, who gave the good word about me at countrywide (which by the way I did take, thanks to a dollar more and possible childcare assistance) and asked her if there was an employee fridge, sounds like a silly ? But I thought I'd better ask. So she says yes and then asks "your coming in thursday right?"
Hold the phone..
Thursday?
Is the 30th!
And all week I had been thinking I started wednesday, thinking its the 30th. Bummer, but hey I get my home prep day back, since I spent most of today downtown serving my jury duty by sitting in a room, fiddling with my phone, and hearing names called off, and by 3 we were all dismissed.

I think sweet little benji is teething, for the past two weeks he has been drooling like no other, gnawing on his fists and anything he can manage to get to his face, and he now has those rosey red cheeks. I hope it doesn't hurt him too bad.

In closing, if times are tough, and you have kiddies, I must say that some great therapy is just simply entering their rooms at night and seeing their sweet peaceful faces, because honestly, what are we without our kids...? Sometimes I think about what would it be like if we had waited to have kids. But I truly believe and feel with my heart that I wouldn't trade it for the world. The proof is in their amazing smiles and sweet innocence.

P.s. I feel so lost without my bella and edward saga contiuing... Breaking dawn is complete and I'm a week out and jonesing, I have been trying to find a digital copy of midnight sun that I can read on my curve. Oh cullens how do you do this to me??

jobs

2009-04-16T11:19:00.001-07:00

and also!!!
Job status update.
I think I have the Countrywide (balboa insurance/ bofa) job in the bag. Just waiting for everything to go through the new BOFA hiring system. Of corse bofa has fantastic benifits etc etc... it would only be 11 bucks an hour.

But I have an interview on Monday for Mini Skool (a learning center). With this said. I would ABSOLUTELY love to get back into teaching kiddies. I mean I am soooooo happpy doing that and it would be a monotonous job that you dread going to. I never ONCE dreaded going to work when I worked at KinderCare. Along with LOVING my job, I would get child care discounts for my boys and they also offer insurance and education reimbursement. I think I may be able to get away with asking for 9 at the most for being hired on at Mini Skool. I would love to work my way into this center and sometime in the future become a director. I am fully aware that you have to start at the bottom to rise to the top (where you want to be)

this is what I am mulling over... kthanksbye

admission

2009-04-16T11:14:00.000-07:00

Ok.
So I watch American Idol. And This season has some really great contestants.
BUT I really TRULY don't understand what the hoopla is all about with Adam Lambert...................

I think he is TERRIBLE!!! TERRIBLE.
He screams, he doesn't belt it, its screaming.
Simon thinks he great. But he soooo isnt
He doesn't even have any heart. It just looks like
he needs a MAJOR reality check. In fact I wish I could
tell him to stop screaming, the only episode I thought
he was decent was when he was sitting in the chair and
the song was completely stripped. and guess what. no screaming.
Just a rant about that.

any how, I love breaking dawn, after you think the story is done and you can't do anything with it, Stephanie throws you a curve ball. I love it.
And oh Edward. How you make the name Edward not so geeky. *sigh*

Daycare vs office work

2009-04-08T21:28:00.000-07:00

Umm...

So we absolutely loved our day care lady diane. Sterling adored her. But today he came home with a new outlook. He pretty much told me that she said that she thought she had mason figured out "At first I thought he was kind of shy and slow but I think he is just defiant when he doesn't listen. **crickets** minus the fluff... She just said she thought OUR son, who just so happens to know 5 words in sign language and is talking in sentences at 2! YOU don't say something like that to a parent. Just before Sterling told me this, he said "I really think you should put an ad to teach kids online".

If you have read my previous post... Kids are my passion. I absolutely adore and love seeing little kids learn and expand their horizons. Unfortunately, Child care centers pay about 8-9 an hour. Which doesn't cut when you have to pay for child care your self.

I had an interview with country wide, and Im pretty sure I got the job in the bag. This job is 11 bucks an hour (2.50 pay cut from my previous job) but with fabulous benefits. Of corse the benefits are the REAL reason I would take such a huge pay check and not look for my other options, which with the economy really is slim pickens.

With his statement earlier, I think I am willing to try and run a LEARNING CENTER out of our home. I say LEARNING CENTER because it wouldn't just be baby sitting, the kids would be learning and interacting as if they were in a day care. On top of that I know from personal experience that the rates I would require would be at least a 1/3 of what you would have to pay at a regular day care. And personally I would rather have some I knew and trusted watch my beautiful boys instead of someone "going to work". Not to say that people at day care don't love their job (Because I was once one of the few that absolutely loved "going to work" when I worked at Childrens World. NEVER a day that I didn't want to go to work, it was an escape for me, the children were bliss.)

With all this said, I am leaving a little gap to see if there are any possible families that would want to take me up on my offer. Friends = Family. And thats EXACTLY the kind of care I would give. If you know of anyone who may be interested. Please pass my number or email off to them. THANKS!
4809079417
ashleymlloyd@yahoo.com

March in a lump sum.

2009-03-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

I want to start off by saying this is going to be a pretty long one, just because when I read, it makes me want to write. k?k.

So I finished "New Moon" and it is freaking fabulous! I am so glad it turned out the way it did and I am super stoked for the actual movie to come out, just to see how they will portray the story. There is a lot of action in the second half. (thank god because this book took forever to finally get off the pity wagon) I have started "Eclipse". I have heard that this book is pretty stinking good too. Snaps for the twilight series.
*Disclaimer: I know that its a teenage phenom and I am 22 years old, but its so stinking good I don't care. Find time to get lost in another world once in a while. Its worth it.

Here are two pictures from Mason's birthday party, I STILL haven't gotten the disposible pictures to the store to get developed because I was sick all week last week along with my two babies. No fun. No gym time either. Blegh....

He is such a big boy, I can't believe he is two already. **Mommy Alert** (may be graphic to those who don't have children) Last night Mason went poopy on the potty, and this time it was him actually actively pushing... I gave him ice cream for a congrats!! I have to now stock up on a more sugarless prize. :) I'm stoked, and really hope this wasn't just a fluke. He tells us that he has to go potty, so he knows whats gotta go down.

Yesterday was my hubbies birthday and he was stoked. He mentioned about how funny it is how un eventful your birthdays become when you have children. Your own birthdays don't seem as a big milestone as your childs, so why celebrate? I think its malarky. I made him a great pancake breakfast with bacon. His birthday request. All of this after pulling all nighter fighting with Mason to stay in his room (why he put up a fight alllllll night, I dont have a clue) We went to the dog park with Capone. He went to buy his birthday present. Ended the day with a joint bday get together for him and my step brother JD. He is a such a great father, and an amazing husband. I sometimes stop in my tracks and wonder how in the world I got so lucky to have nagged one of the most compassionate and smart men I know. He is truly a blessing. Even when he leaves his sweaty gym clothes where he takes them off i.e. in the middle of the floor in mounds; sweaty mounds. Hehe

I have the most massive headache I think I have ever had in my life. I may even consider it a migraine its so stinkin bad right now. I was thankfully asked to stay another week at work to "man" the phone, since it won't roll over to the new office til next monday. So all this week, I will be at the office, job searching, reading Eclipse, skimming magazines, car less. So with this said, My headache + sans water = not a happy camper at the moment. OUCHIES!

After a week of not being at the gym, I am stoked about going and getting into my cardio and strength training. I really want to start working out in the morning. I just feel that would make me a happier person during the day with more energy. Ironically since I was home last week the two days I was sick, I couldn't nap to save my life. Why was this??? Aren't you supposed to nap when your sick? Whatev. I just have to work this headache GONE!

Srsly, Lucky.

2009-03-26T09:32:00.001-07:00

I have been under the weather the past two days. And my wonderful husband made this for me to brighten my day.

I super lucky to have him. The best 6 years of my life.

(click on it to read it.)

*sigh*

Family Pictures

2009-03-23T12:44:00.001-07:00

My father-in-law took some pictures for us about a week ago, and I got them back. Here they are.

M
A
S
O
N

B
E
N
J
A
M
I
N

Brotherly Love ;)

Goodbye.

Mason's 2

2009-03-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

My biggest baby is 2!

I can't even believe it!

He is such a booger and never seizes to amaze us.

I got up early and cooked breakfast fit for a prince and he loved!

He even got a strawberry smoothie along with his french toast, bacon and eggs.

By the end of the day, he was singing "Happy [pause] to you" taking out the word birthday, lol.

He's a pic of his breakfast and then his cake. :)

Birthday party is on saturday and we will have tons of pics from then too! :D

Nanny 911

2009-03-10T07:18:00.000-07:00

My aunts have run their corse with watching the boys, and we are so greatful that they helped us out this long. Their job has picked up (lucky for them) and don't have the means to continue watching them. If any of you know someone that is looking to take care of kids for some extra cash, please let me know. I would much rather have a friend of a friend take care of my precious boys than some random person on craiglist (because really, day care isn't financially an option at 300+ dollars a WEEK).

Please pass this on... we would really appreciate the help. THANKS!

Matchie Matchie

2009-03-09T09:18:00.001-07:00

It won't be like this, for long

2009-03-06T12:27:00.000-08:00

He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all nite
Lay'n there in bed listen'n
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK
It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll look back laugh'n
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
It won't be like this for long
Four years later bout four thirty
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This will only last a week or two
It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll drop her off
And she wont even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It wont be like this for long
One day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times you'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she up and cry'n
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watch'n her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It wont be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah this phase is gonna fly by
He's try'n to hold on
It wont be like this for long
It wont be like this for long

Mr. Mom

2009-03-05T12:27:00.000-08:00

It has just been one of those days for Sterling.
Whenever we don't have a sitter for the boys during the week, Sterling has to stay home until someone gets home and is able to let him work (his job is piece rate with flexible hours).
Play by play

6 this morning, Mason decides to wake up and "get ready" with my mom and I. Come time for us to leave, he flips out, and wants nothing to do with Daddy.

9 rolls around and I get a phone call from Sterling saying "We are on our way to the emergency room"... WHAT?! Why? He said that Mason cut the tip of his finger pretty good from the open green bean can from last nights dinner. So the doc put glue on his finger and sent them home.

this next one is the kicker:
Sterling was feeding Benji and Mason pooped his diaper, so Sterling changed his diaper and was bombarded with Benjamin's demanding cries for his milk. So he just slipped Mason's shorts on ~~with~~ his diaper. (Un pottytrained without diaper = no good.) Being a one track mind guy, completely forgets. He feeds him lunch, then lays him down for his nap. about 15-20 minuter later he hears something hit the wall. Mason had climbed into our bed and was standing up, hands against the wall, legs spread, and had pooped...yes POOPED his ~~diaper~~ pants!! Hence the waste was not contained...

The End.

Poor Daddy.

Book worm

2009-03-05T07:38:00.001-08:00

On a book binge... and decided once I make my way through New Moon which is finally starting to pick up after 200 pages of Bella "waa waaa why'd he leave me waa waa" I can happily move onto her friendship with Jacob and gleefully welcome Edward back at the end. Sadly, I know more about the book than I have read, but enjoy the anticipation and unfolding. Anways... These are some books on my list that I am going to hunt for. If you have any that are a must read, Please add a comment.

Diary of Ann Frank
The Shack
Down Came the Rain
[please insert your book here]

2 THOUGHS OF THE DAY

2009-03-04T13:55:00.000-08:00

BARE WITH ME
a little bitter today

never trust a man with a mustache

small world full of douches
not the vinager and water kind.

Passion

2009-03-04T12:37:00.001-08:00

After reading Lauren's Bite and realizing that she is not crazy obsessed with Edward Cullen from the Twilight series. She explained why she was so passionate about it. Girl you can obviously tell you don't have children yet, especially to be able to take pictures of Pocket Edwards "first bath" lol But the simple fact that you have a passion that you are dedicated to, makes me stop and wonder, what's my passion. I have an absolute love for my children and a passionate love affair with my husband who still gives me butterflies even after knowing him for 6 years. I went to my google university, as Jenny McCarthy calls it, and searched "finding my passion". Several self help websites came up and listed things that can "help" you find your passion. I figured I could jot down some of the things that bring a smile to my face.

teaching children
psychology and how the brain works (cognitive)
doing crafts
pictures
purses
shoes
scrapbooking
making jewelry
new technology
nostalgia
reading something that takes me out of my "element" aka-twlight
learning knew things
random facts and thoughts
writing my thoughts
friendships
talking about my kids
talking about life in general
making collages on the computer
movies, movies and movies. Especially movies that really take you away and make you really think.
different culures, beliefs and religions
health and your body
exercizing the body and mind
history, anything historical (ties into cultures, beliefs and religion)
travel
In depth conversations with someone about their passions
politics (yes, you think, boring but it really sparks my interest when people explain their logistics)

a lot. Just writing all of these out it is clear to me why I haven't been able to narrow down one particular interest and really become overwhelmingly passionate it about that ONE thing. I certainly can not have them all. I would love to have something that I can really take time out of the day for myself to really focus on that one passion of mine. My mom's passion is running, My Aunt Barbs passion is scrapbooking. Mimi's passion, although it gets her in trouble, is shopping. Clicking through random blogs, there are some people who obviously have a true passion for blogging about anything and everything. Oddly, I'm envious. It has to be because they take that time to stop, sit and write about their lives, this is their time.

I don't know very many people with this "blogger" but I have been able to browse through several and would hope to get some sort of feedback. According to "ineedmotivation" they said that about 75% of people have no idea what their passion is. I find this kind of endearing, knowing I am not the only one, and it seems comes full circle when people often complain of feeling lost. I don't feel lost. Just simply misplaced and a mess in my own brain.

Change of Events

2009-02-25T07:08:00.000-08:00

Completely forgot I start writing this, so I shall continue, since I am at work and getting paid to do nothing and they are letting me go on the 13th. HAPPY FRIDAY the 13th right?

Thats precisely the change of events. I will no longer have a job after next friday. Along with it being frightening not having income and the economy being a complete nightmare. Irony comes to play. In 2006 I started working at Cyclone, a month into working there, I got pregnant with Mason. Come 2007, Mason is 2 months old, and Cyclone closes their doors to our office. Jobless with Baby #1. After watching my beautiful nephew and niece for some extra cash, and their time, the extra cash -soon became not enough. 2008, Mason turns 1, a month and a half pass, a positive pregnancy test, shows Benjamin will be coming soon to a L&D near you. Now, a year into my position at Gale, is now non-existent and...... Come March 13th.......... Benjamin will be .... Duhn duhn dun...... 2 months old. With Baby #2.... now jobless. What does this mean? I am convinced it could be worse, with a lady at another office being a month from retirement and a 1 month out of her husbands passing, was let go. I am blessed to have two healthy boys and a great husband. If only that could get us through life comfortably. With bills and creditors calling, thats not some comfortable. Job search is on. Clinging to the loves of my life.

They melt my heart.

2009-02-11T12:16:00.001-08:00

Insecure

2009-02-10T08:16:00.000-08:00

Insecurities.
Its really good to write out your feelings and since my emotions are still on a rollercoaster from the all those stinking pregnancy hormones I am having a hard time right now. If you feel attacked, Im sorry, but I need to get this out for ME to feel better. For one, there is nothing I can't stand more then someone saying they will do something and completely cutting off contact when it doesn't happen. I don't know if its because your affraid to hurt my feelings by telling me you can't make it or what, but not telling me hurts my feelings worse. Just tell me that you aren't going to follow through and I wont hold it against you. Im a scorpio ok. Grudges are my first name, not that I won't be friendly and bend over backwards for you, but know that if this happens, its all that I think about until I am able to brush it off. There are a couple friends that I can't let go of, and never will, but at some point I can't let my emotions be taken advantage of. Its black and white. I don't even need the reason.
I really need to learn how to let things pass, and not let them mull over in my head. Its exhausting, and I want to be able to keeping moving forward instead of letting it ruin my now.
There have been many times where I feel like I was totally left out of the loop, is it because my company is unbearable? Please, be frank with me, dont hurt my feelings, I can use this to work on what I said earlier. Whether you feel like I am talking to you or not, this is not to hurt your feelings, of corse its the last thing I want to do, but I need to get it out of my mind and written down.

Men are weak, Women are the devil.

2009-02-09T06:35:00.000-08:00

He's just not that into you.
What a great movie. I truly shows you how simple minded men are. haha Not that its a bad thing but I can't put into words how smart this movie is. Along with them being simple minded. They are WEAK. I dont care if you haven't seen it, you see it coming. There is this one couple that were married out of college, she gave him an ultimatum "you either marry me, or we are done". Well the guy "Ben" said he didn't want to lose her, so he married her. Years down the road, they are renovating a house, and getting it all together, and he bumps into a beautiful woman (Scarlett Johansen) in the grocery store (which in real life could happen, Scarlett Johansen mabe not, but beautiful, sure.) and she happens to get his card since he is in the music industry and she wants to become a singer. She originally asks to take his number, and he declines and tells her he is married. Good for him. But She takes his card for his professional help. She decides she wants to call him NOT for his help on the music side, but because she wants to see him again. Blah dee blah dee blah... She totally luers (sp?) this little boy (yes "ben") into her web, and he caves. Several times when he feels himself faultering, he tells her he is married. She's persistant in getting him to cave, and he does. Go to the beginning of earth, Eve is the one who gets Adam to sin and eat the apple. Since all since are the same, they are Adam and Eve. Just different circumstances. This scenerio reminds me of another movie with the "Adam and Eve" called "The Last Kiss" GREAT movie, just so sad to see men faulter when you see that they truly love their woman, but the temptation was too great. I'm not saying that cheating is AT ALL okay. But its just sad that its so common. It truly makes me sick to my stomach.

In the end
Men are weaklings
Women feed off of temptation

This is just one couple in this movie, they did a great job in capturing different type of relationships and sterotypes. Great movie.

Sleep... whats that?

2009-02-05T14:56:00.001-08:00

Momma's back to work

2009-01-26T13:15:00.001-08:00

Thats right you heard it right.

Instead of ranting, I am rejoicing that I even have a job!

The family is doing great and I just wanted to add some pics while I was on here.

Introducing............

2009-01-14T17:18:00.001-08:00

Mr. Benjamin Bryce Lloyd

He came into our world at 12:44 am on 1/12 @ 7 lbs 3 oz and 20.5 in. nice and healthy :D

Check Please

2009-01-05T14:36:00.000-08:00

May I please give this baby an eviction notice?

seriously. Benjamin babe Im done, I know your ready, now you need to really kick my body into gear! Im starting to get sick with a runny nose, lightheaded, and achey all over. HELP MOMMY! K? thanks!

Our Case of Benjamin Button

2009-01-05T06:19:00.000-08:00

So................ being induced friday. Didnt happen. They scheduled me for thursday at 230pm. I would love for my body to FINALLY let go of our Benjamin. I can tell he is ready he's stretching and pulling on my nerves, literally. Everyday I think "today is the day, it will be his birthday" ahhh... I could only hope.

8 days?! More like 3.

2008-12-30T06:09:00.000-08:00

As of my Dr's appt. yesterday, he says he wants me in the hospital starting the "gels" on friday. These are the same gels that they started induction with Mason. For Mason's birth they did two sets of gels, on the 14th they administered the first set, then sent me home because I was not progressing, and said they were going to call me when they had more beds open. Then, on the 16th they called at 3am and said they had a bed open and were ready for me to come in. The rest is history and Mason was born at 12:07am on the 17th. Please note that I was not progressed at all with Mason until the 16th. Barely effaced and dilated a fingertip. Thats it. At this moment and time, I am 1.5 cm dilated and 75% effaced, and Benjamin is also "engaged" and ready to get the show on the road. So it seems as if its my body still holding onto this bun. haha. I have enjoyed both pregnancies, since they haven't been too terrible, but I know MENTALLY I have ready to be just me, instead of me and the baby in the belly. :) So I am pretty sure that with me being where I am in the labor process and Benji being engaged, I think that first set of gels just may kick my body into gear. If it doesn't give up before then. We'll let ya know!

single digit count down

2008-12-29T07:21:00.000-08:00

I had a few lovely contractions last night and they went away. It was kinda cute last night when i was laying in bed and my husband would put his hand on my belly, and benjamin would automatically start dancing and it seemed like he was either putting his foot to my husbands hand or giving him a high five, because as soon as he would take his hand off, that would disappear and he would start tossing and turning trying to get comfortable. During this time I had 3 contractions that were about 10 seconds, 5-6 minutes apart and of corse daddy was freaking out.. "tell me if you have another one" "do you need me to rub your feet" I would switch sides " how are you feeling?" lol It was so cute. 9 days and counting, I have a doc appt. today and if I haven't progressed from my previous 1.5 cm dialted last week, it will be very interesting... All I know is mommy is physically ready for Mason's little brother to make his appearance. Hope everyones holidays were filled with joy and family. Now Im back to work................... sheesh.

Happy Holidays

2008-12-24T09:44:00.000-08:00

From our family to yours.

Hope you days are filled with love and hope.

Love,
Ashley, Sterling, Mason and Benji.

Thanksgiving... Yes only one picture

2008-12-03T07:17:00.000-08:00

Wooooooah Belly!

Halloween Pictures

2008-12-03T07:14:00.000-08:00

47 days and counting

2008-11-21T10:55:00.000-08:00

Its been quite a while since I updated last. It has been so busy, I am so surprised that Benjamin has stayed in the oven with all the commotion. He's probably thinking its better in there than in the real world. lol I just added up how many days are left until his due date and I can't even believe that its only 47 days... Gosh this flew by. 6 weeks and some days to get into our new home (we FINALLY got approved for a rental townhome that is just perfect for our little family.) THANK GOD! It was such a relief! 3 bed two bath with a little yard for Capone. I can't wait to get out of that stinking apartment. AND its on Linsday and Baseline, back on the RIGHT side of the 60 ;) With Thanksgiving next week and then moving the weekend of the 12th, Christmas following 13 days later, it will be a busy busy 47 days. I can't even imagine when it will slow down. I wanted to add some pictures from halloween, I totally see this not happenind until after the 7th of January along with Thanksgiving, Christmas, Newborn pictures... all meshed into one update. So if this is the case. To EVERYONE "Happy Thanksgiving" "Merry Christmas" "Happy New Year!" :D

Mason is just so stinking big. I can't get over how many words that he has learned and how well he interacts with us when we ask for his help or for him to do something. He is such a big boy, and has his pout face down pat. If he doesn't get what he wants or he is in trouble, he will just turn around and stick out his bottom lip and pout. Its the funniest thing. Although we never give in, he seems to think we might if he continues, its so stinkin cute, I don't mind him doing that. I would rather the pout then a fit.

Another news update: My mom and her hubby are moving to the valley! You have no idea how great this is! They will be staying with us for a couple months until they are able to find a home out here. What perfect timing, My mom will be out here just in time to be an extra hand when Mason becomes a big brother. What a relief to have her here not only here for him but for my sanity.

My biggest goal at this time is to keep Benji cooking until we at least move into the new place. I don't even want to think about going into labor while we are still in the apartment, and everything being half packed. Thats terrifying to me! So to you Benji.... stay put even though mommy may be pushing you around as you stick you knee in my ribs or put your noggin right there.......... stick it out with mommy, at least until the 15th of December....

Have a fantastic holiday season everyone, may yours be merry

belly pics

2008-10-16T17:23:00.001-07:00

Present Past and Future

2008-09-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

So the extent of the past week has kind of been a whirl wind and probably will continue for the days months and years to come.

About a week and a half ago I found out that my stepmom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Don't you find it amazing how your life can change in an instant?! And you have NO control of the outcome of the cituation presented? This will definitely be a trying time for Patti and everyone in her life. Especially my dad. After losing my grandma to cervical cancer in July of 01, you would hope that it was the last time a death to cancer would affect your life. Unfortunately cancer has entered our life once again... and now its a waiting game of hoping and praying for healing and calm. It really puts a lot of things into perspective when someone is told their life can be cut short before they are ready to say goodbye. Not only their life but their families as well. We will of corse be their for Patti in her rough journey ahead, but I couldn't imagine how it would be for her if she didn't have my dad by her side to help her through. This is a prime example of reason. Gods reason.

Love will make you do things out of character, but always for a reason. A meaning. My dad and patti got "matching" tattoos to symbolize the stuggles ahead, because God knows that she will go through more pain in treament than she did when she got this visual reminder of strength.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Along side of this news, We had two dogs go to doggie heaven as well... At least they are now no longer suffering but healed.

We now turn to a light note.

Mason has now upgraded to a big boy bed. 3 weeks ago he decided to act like superman and propel out of the shopping cart right on his noggin. He had a nice egg and bruise in the center of his forehead and it was the first (and Im sure not only) urgent care trip in his life for an injury. The big boy bed is doing fine, we are still in the stage of repetition. "Night night time" "get back in bed" Mommy and Daddy back and forth back and forth as he peaks his little grinning face through the crack in the door. So hard not to just giggle when you see that little "im not here" grin. He is such a big person. Very independent and so much like my family in the loving department. It has to be on his time and his agenda. If he isn't ready for hugs and kisses, don't even try, he won't have it. Reminds me so much of my sister. hehehe

Baby number 2 has an appointment on monday of next week. We are having another ultra sound because last time they didn't get a good view of one of his ventricals of his heart. So we get to see our little munchkin again! Then regular doctors appt after. Ill be 22 weeks tomorrow. Its gone by so fast, but I am already wayyy uncomfortable with my ever growing tummy. These sweets cravings are KILLING me! He is either punching or kicking me like crazy. Either/Or he makes his presence known. I also think he is letting my know during the day now, that my "non maternity" pants are cramping his space.

I truly do have the best husband around. We seem to always be on the same page, whether it comes to raising mason or future endeavours. He never fails to keep my spirits up when I am feeling low. He always knows what to say, even if I don't agree, he is normally right. I couldn't ask for a better father for my children. He loves to wrestle and play with Mason but doesn't ever seem to show that he is overwhelmed when he has to put his foot down when Mason is throwing a temper tantrum. I know when Mason's brother comes into our world, he will come into a loving and safe home, with only the greatest of intentions and the most love he could ever ask for (or want).

To close this out, I want to note that no matter how hard things get, always try to look at the bigger picture. Know that if there is someone not present, it does not mean that you are not present in their heart. I think about my grandma often and I know that while she sits in heaven, she is often looking down on my family and giggling at the things we are doing. Maybe even sometimes calling mason a "little sh*t" when he is picking on his mommy and daddy.

Half way to the finish line

2008-08-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

We have hit the half way mark moving along steadily with this pregnancy. Starting to get more anxious about the delivery. Funny how that works, my first wasn't terrible, but as any delivery a challenge to deal with contractions. Ill add a picture of the 5 month belly later :)

So this past friday was Masons first (Im sure of many) trips to urgent care. The goob thought he could fly like superman out of the shopping cart and bruised his littlw noggin nice and good. Man was I terrified. I'm not one to rush and call the doctor, but he knocked it square and center and immediately had a nice big ol egg... oh the er trips to come. Ahhhh! :)

I love my sister :D

2008-08-11T16:29:00.000-07:00

the verdict is

2008-08-05T12:07:00.000-07:00

mason is going to have a little brother. :)

oh boy are we going to be in trouble in a few years... with broken bones and competition.

Make your guess!!

2008-07-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

Since Monday could be the big day to find out the sex, take a moment and mark your guess :D

http://www.expectnet.com/games/Baby2inJan09

and GOOD LUCK

10:18

2008-07-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

Im hungry........
Bring on the the YC's!!!!!!!!!

Starving over here!
Both of us ;)

again... names are up in the air for the new babe. 10 more days until the big ultra sound. So anxious!
ahhhhhhh.

Onto Mason, I can't believe how big this booger is! He is just so amazing and blows my mind with every little thing he does. I was looking at his pictures from his first day of life, just amazing. Then he was helpless and now he runs around and wrestles, gives big slobbery kisses. Couldn't ask for more!!

Pictures & Pregnancy brain

2008-07-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

Here are some pics of our family. :) Doing well. Just now counting down the days to see what we are having on August 4th. So I am having second thoughts about abigail for a girl name. Naming is so hard, not only do you want a name fitting for your child. But you dont want to chose one for them that will either A. torture them their whole life. B. is not fitting to them. I like Skyler for a girl. But Britt's brothers name is Skylar, BUT... Skylar is naming his son Mason, so it will be even if I steal his name. right britt?!? :)

A new year with a new life.

2008-06-23T16:20:00.000-07:00

We went to the doctors today to see our little bunny in the oven. The baby was too cute, literally jumping up and down for us, like READY OR NOT Im coming soon! :D Originally, according to my LMP my due date would be Dec. 22nd. The baby measures at 11 weeks 5 days which puts us at a due date of January 7th. Very exciting. So relieved to see the little punking just hanging on inside my belly then showing off for its mommy and daddy. TOOO adorable. Thats the update. Tomorrow I am going to scan my 3 little pictures of the babe, and put them up asap. Its settling in and I am getting more and more excited. Now only about 6 or 7 weeks til we know the gender of the little booger. Brother or Sister for Macer? I don't know but we will see!!!

Baby Names

2008-06-17T12:03:00.000-07:00

Yes its way too early, but we have been thinking about names (more sterling than me, and he refuses to think of boy names) But we may have come to a decision with a girls name...
Abigail Shannon

Boys names, we are going to have a rough time with names. It took us forever to settle with Mason. But so far we like Carter and Connor (I think, like I said, Sterling isn't even contemplating Boys names.)
But there is a 50/50 chance here so I like to be prepared.

B.O.R.E.D

2008-06-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

Out of my mind at work today, I wish I had my book with me. My computer at work blocks out so much stuff that I can't really surf the internet. Im going to pull out my hair along with wanting to go home to see my boys.

Overwhelmed with Love

2008-06-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

Don't even know where to begin. Taryn is the only family member that knows about the page, and some of this will be new to her. (but shhhh tare its still a secret to the family) And then there's Britt, but she already knows. We actually have known for about 3 weeks that I am pregnant with our 2nd child and due around the end of december. I feel completely compelled to write right now. There are so many thoughts racing through my head.
Mason is our pride and joy, and everyday we say how beautiful he is and how cute, how much we love the little man. He is truly amazing and a real blessing from God. Ironically We let go and let God take care of us when we were off the bc before him. So really we weren't trying to have him, but we felt that if God thought we were ready for him, then he would put his trust in us to raise a child when he knew we were ready. Sure as heck, 4 months after discontinueing contraceptives, we got pregnant with Mason. The entire expierence was absolutely amazing. A shock to most, but a complete joy.
I really am so lucky to have such amazing men in my life. I often catch myself looking at Sterling and thinking "you are so handsome, smart funny and amazing" He has one of the biggest hearts. No matter the mood or time, he always makes me laugh. We don't know what we would do without our son either. Everything could go wrong and just the sight of him put pure joy in my heart.
To bring another baby in the mix is completely terrifying to me, and I am sure that I am not the only one to feel this way about baby #2. I want to make sure that Mason knows that we still love him with all our might, and give him the attention he deserves. And with the new baby, I want to make sure he/she gets the same love and attention we gave to Mason. They will be almost 2 years apart, and I dont want Mason to resent the new baby when the time comes.
The way the economy is its shattering everyones finances, including us. We are struggling to make ends meet, and now we are adding a baby in the mix? Holy Cow.
God really seems to be extending his faith on us when I couldn't even imagine to begin where has brought us. I have been browsing verses to find some strength from him, because he seems to think we have it. There is one in particular that seems to be sticking with me. "I can do all things through he who gives me strength"

Traffic was a disaster.

2008-04-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

This morning has not started off well. I decided to take a different route to work this morning and it took me an hour longer than it normally does, because the 60 was closed at priest and the back up went all the way back to mcclintock LITERALLY took me 35 minutes just to go from mcclintock to rural. RIDICULOUS. As mason has had enough of the traffic, and all the stresses of money and Sterling's job search, I was thinking to myself... what are some motivational quotes that can get me through this day...

This is what I came up with.
"It could be worse"

"To realize your true potential of success, you must move away from your comfort zone and work in unchartered land"

"Life is a marathon. The terrain is full of ups and downs and with the right attitude and preparation you can face the toughest terrain"

"Success is falling nine times and getting up ten."

"Failures don't deserve your attention, only Success does."

"Our greatest battles are that with our own minds."

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."

When is enough , enough?

2008-04-03T12:16:00.000-07:00

Seriously,
what does a person have to do to get their point across without looking like an idiot.
How bad does it have to get before its realized that ITS NOT WORKING!!!!